Bart: Dad, are you gonna snitch on me?
Homer: Moes before bros.

Oh, you must be Flanders' new dog. I just want to apologize in advance for the things I'm gonna blame on you.

Marge: I'm not giving up on Bart, just like I didn't give up on our marriage when you quit your job to start the North American Sumo League.
Homer: The NASL would have made money if someone had washed a few sumo loin cloths for me.
Marge: I said I would do yours, but not the whole dojo.

But it's not on the calendar? Okay, but if I'm sleepy at work tomorrow I get to tell everyone why.

Oh God gets your prayers, but he just clicks delete without reading them, like email updates from LinkedIn.

Princess Kemi: So, all these concubines belong to this one tyrant?
Homer: It's called The Bachelor.

Homer: She's gone!
Moe: And she trashed my bar! Oh no, wait, she actually cleaned up a little bit. Good for her.

They say you catch more flies with honey, I say with fly traps.

Mr. Burns

The only reason you haven't been fired is because your file here has been holding up a sofa that was missing a leg.

Moe

Look Moe the least you can let me do is anything I want.

Homer: Marge I believe you're forgetting America's greatest wartime wheelchair-bound leader, Professor X of the X-Men.
Marge: It's not that Professor X wouldn't get up, it's that he couldn't!

Marge, you're my wife of ten years and I love you, but I must observe the teachings of this man I just met tonight. Now the first thing I have to do is make amends with the bathroom scale.

The Simpsons Quotes

Officer Eddie: (reading Steve Sax's license) Well well, Steve Sax, from New York City.
Officer Lou: I heard some guy got killed in New York City and they never solved the case. But you wouldn't know anything about that now, would you, Steve?
(Lou and Eddie laugh)
Steve Sax: But there are hundreds of unsolved murders in New York City.
Officer Lou: You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you, Saxxy Boy?

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart