Tuesdays 9:00 PM on USA
Royal-pains

Evan: We're broke.
Hank: What do you mean broke?
Evan: I mean depleted, destitute, insolvent.
Hank: I was asking for an explanation, not a thesaurus.

Zoey: You never assumed I was crazy. Gave me the benefit of the doubt. Most people wouldn't have, Hank.
Hank: Yeah, well, more people should be like us. And less people should be like most people.

Divya: You want to do the spinal tap tonight?
Hank: And that's not all I want to do. There may be only one way to get to the bottom of this immediately.
(Divya and Evan at the same time)
Divya: MRI?
Evan: Exorcism?

Amy: Someone close to you. Someone who looks like you. Someone with a letter 'R.'
Hank: My brother. Evan R. Lawson?
Amy: He's getting himself into trouble.
Hank: Sorry, Amy, you don't need a gift to sense that one.

Divya: Hank, this is Kylie.
Kylie: I'm the disgruntled mistress.
Hank: Hello. Nice to meet you.
Kylie: It's 'cause I didn't go to college and I hate retail.

(Hank about to meet the people who fired him)
Jill: Just talk to them human being to human being.
Hank: I would, I'm just not sure they are human beings.

(after Hank convinced Marshall Bryant to get clean from alcohol and drugs)
Marshall: Well, Hank deserves credit for leading me to water.
Hank: Hey, I can lead the horse, but I can't make him drink... or not drink. You know what I'm saying.

Evan: You can actually sew up a human being, but you can't wrap something with parallel sides.
Hank: You know, I went to medical school, not the American Academy of Gift-Giving.

Evan: You think when we have kids, we're gonna mess them up? You ever think about that?
Hank: Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about what kids of yours would be like.
Evan: Oh, what? Just smart and intelligent and just overall awesome.
Hank: So they'll take after your wife.

Displaying quotes 163 - 171 of 210 in total