Allison: Have you noticed that Tommy's afraid of girls?
Gary: He should be afraid of girls. They pretend to like you and then take all your stuff

Allison [about their marriage counselor]: He makes me feel young.
Gary: Of course he does, he's 80!

Allison: You know how I felt the first time he held his arms around me?
Gary: Were you helping him in or out of the tub?

Her fist isn't swollen from me beating it... with my face?

Allison: Why don't you throw a punch?
Gary: I'm trying but she's not where I'm punching!

I'm going to sleep with whoever I have to to prove to my tomorrow I'm not shallow

Ms. St James: If we're going on a date you should call me erica
Gary: But can I call you ms St James on the date cause that's kinda hot?

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