Ms Plummer: Sometimes the anticipation of the event is more exciting than the even itself
Gary: So my reputation as a lovemaker precedes me

Why does Louise have to learn Chinese? When the Chinese take over the world they're going to teach it to us for free in their re-education camps

Gary: When are you gonna take time to be a kid
Louise: In my late 30's like you
Gary: I'd ground you for that, but then I wouldn't have anyone to play with

Jack: I'm proud of you for helping him out, son
Gary: Thanks dad
Jack: You know you have a great big oversized help
Gary: That's why I'm helping him you think?
Jack: No, it's something I keep forgetting you tell you, it's hereditary

Gary: I'm here for you, whatever you need, I'll do it for you. whatever it is you need. I'll help you
Taylor: Hold me
Gary: I'll put the TV on, I'll make you some soup
Taylor: Hold me
Gary: Run you a bath, get you a magazine
Taylor: I am a human being crying out in desperation and need, just come here and hold me!

Taylor: Can I ask you a simple business philosophy question, do you hate making money?
Gary: Yes, I hate making money
Taylor: Well then you are doing everything right. Why don't you use any of the tricks or loopholes or mechanisms I've set up for you
Gary: It's the tricks, loopholes and mechanisms that got me audited in the first place. I'm a house painter, you have my corporate headquarters in the Cayman Islands!

Tom: mom, they have a hamburger that costs $23
Allison: oh
Gary: does it come with a picture of the chef laughing at you?

Dennis [referring to the painters]: Anything you wan to say to m you can say in front of my real friends
Gary: Your real friends? We picked up three of these guys this morning

Anna: I used to kiss my pillow and pretend it was you
Gary: What a coincidence, I used to kiss Allison and pretend she was anyone else

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