Emily: The roast looks perfect. Oh Jess, do you eat meat? I forgot to ask you.
Jess: I'm a carnivore.
Emily: Good, I don't see how anybody could resist meat.
Jess: That's why we have teeth.
Emily: That's how I feel.

Lorelai: We want to do it cheap.
Emily: We'll pay.
Lorelai: No.
Rory: Grandma, it's going to be fun really.
Lorelai: Kids do it all the time.
Emily: Yes, but you're not a kid.

Lorelai: You look peeved.
Emily: I'm not peeved.
Lorelai: Well, you look peeved.
Emily: Kindly stop making me say the word peeved.

Rory: Which maid was it?
Emily: Gertha, the one from Hamburg, Germany.
Lorelai: Which one was she?
Rory: You remember. She was the one who you made all those Hamburg-hamburger jokes to.
Lorelai: God, I beat that dead horse.
Rory: With glee.
Emily: She was the clomper.
Lorelai: The clomper?
Emily: She'd be upstairs making the bed and it'd sound like a Munich beer hall rally.
Lorelai: That's why you fired her?
Emily: Yes.
Lorelai: Because she made noise when she walked?
Emily: Yes.

Everything that's wrong in your life is my fault. Everything that's wrong in your father's life is my fault. Basically, everything's that wrong is my fault.

Emily: This couch cannot stay.
Lorelai: Yes, it can.
Emily: It's awful.
Lorelai: It can hear you.
Emily: Please.
Lorelai: No.

Emily: Well, your father's sixtieth birthday dinner is back on.
Lorelai: What sixtieth birthday dinner?
Emily: The one that I had planned for Wednesday night.
Lorelai: Oh, were we coming?
Emily: Of course you were coming. You think you wouldn't be invited?
Lorelai: Well, apparently, we weren't invited.
Emily: I had just started planning the whole thing when he came home in a mood and declared that parties were for children and it was canceled.
Lorelai: Were we disappointed?

Emily: (about Lorelai's house) Is it clean?
Lorelai: Yeah, it's clean.
Emily: If I came in there wearing white gloves, what would I find?
Lorelai: That you could pull a rabbit out of your hat.

Rory: Salad's great, Grandma.
Emily: I'm surprised you can eat at this point, even salad.
Rory: There's still room.
Lorelai: And if there isn't room, we'll add on. I know a good contractor.

Emily: Lorelai, hello.
Lorelai: Mom?
Emily: You remember, I'm so touched.

Emily: And what do you intend to do with that paper clip?
Lorelai: I intend to carve something really dirty into the bathroom door.
Emily: Lorelai.
Lorelai: What rhymes with Nantucket?

Emily: Why are you throwing cutlery in a public place?
Lorelai: Uh, 'cause I feel stupid doing it at home?

Gilmore Girls Quotes

Emily: (about Luke) And how did he know that the bird was missing? What, was he strolling by your house and he heard your plaintive cries for help?
Lorelai: Mom.
Emily: Or the helpless cheep of a chick in trouble?
Lorelai: I called him, Mom. OK? I called him and asked him to come over and help me look for the bird. OK?
Emily: It seems like this man is always around when you're in trouble.
Lorelai: He's a good friend.
Emily: Oh, please.
Lorelai: Do we have to discuss this?
Emily: Lorelai, I'm getting a little tired of being lied to.
Lorelai: Apparently we do.
Emily: This man was at Rory's birthday party, he came to the hospital with you, he's the male lead in every story you tell, you go to the diner every single day. I've seen the way he looks at you, the way you look at him. I'm not a fool.
Lorelai: Mom, please.
Emily: Why do you treat me like I don't have a clue in the world as to what is going on in your life? Now I'm asking you, as a favor, if you have any respect for me at all as your mother, just tell me. Do you have feelings for this man?
Lorelai: I don't know. Maybe I do. I haven't given it much thought. Maybe I do.
Emily: Thank you. I'm glad you were finally honest with me. Now we can discuss what on earth you could possibly be thinking. Don't forget the ice.

Sherry: I can't just stop everything because...
Lorelai: You're having a baby. Admitting it is the first step.