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Cougar-town

Jules: Time for family dinner.
Grayson: Uh, if it's family, then why is she here?
Ellie: What am I supposed to do eat with Andy? I did that yesterday.

Laurie: If you really want to get back at a man, scare him with a pregnancy test. I've got a whole box of old positives at my house.
Ellie: You're an American treasure.

Travis: You know, I've actually been experimenting at school.
Ellie: I totally called that!
Jules: What's his name? Is he cute?
Travis: I meant with religion.
Jules: Aw man, I was excited to show you how cool I'd be about it.

Laurie: Man hands? You're stealing jokes from Seinfeld now?
Jules: Was that that Jewish guy you dated in High School?
Ellie: No, he had a huge TV show. Must see TV?
Jules: Never heard of it. No one's gonna tell me what's must see.

Ellie: Should I remove your nuts?
Laurie: Oh, it's not you, she's just a horrible person.

I'm not high anymore.

Dershwasher

Laurie: This will cheer you up! I have really good news?
Ellie: Are you sterile?!

Hey pale face, how's the sun feel for the first time?

Ellie: Wow, you're annoying.
Jules: I know, but I'll always have your back.
Ellie: And I'm more loyal than I am mean.
Jules: Oh, well you're real loyal aren't you?

Jellybean, you are the verbal equivalent of huffing paint.

Oh my God, it's so nice to be anywhere without a Cuban man climbing all over me.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 207 in total
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