Cougar Town

Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBS
Cougar town

Jules: Time for family dinner.
Grayson: Uh, if it's family, then why is she here?
Ellie: What am I supposed to do eat with Andy? I did that yesterday.

Laurie: If you really want to get back at a man, scare him with a pregnancy test. I've got a whole box of old positives at my house.
Ellie: You're an American treasure.

Travis: You know, I've actually been experimenting at school.
Ellie: I totally called that!
Jules: What's his name? Is he cute?
Travis: I meant with religion.
Jules: Aw man, I was excited to show you how cool I'd be about it.

Laurie: Man hands? You're stealing jokes from Seinfeld now?
Jules: Was that that Jewish guy you dated in High School?
Ellie: No, he had a huge TV show. Must see TV?
Jules: Never heard of it. No one's gonna tell me what's must see.

Ellie: Should I remove your nuts?
Laurie: Oh, it's not you, she's just a horrible person.

I'm not high anymore.

Dershwasher

Laurie: This will cheer you up! I have really good news?
Ellie: Are you sterile?!

Hey pale face, how's the sun feel for the first time?

Ellie: Wow, you're annoying.
Jules: I know, but I'll always have your back.
Ellie: And I'm more loyal than I am mean.
Jules: Oh, well you're real loyal aren't you?

Jellybean, you are the verbal equivalent of huffing paint.

Oh my God, it's so nice to be anywhere without a Cuban man climbing all over me.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 207 in total

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Grayson: Shall we?
Jules: Indeed!

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