Call your not stupid wife.

I don't remember taking any hallucinogenic drugs, but why else would I be seeing you in my house?

I did not watch Chapstick, but I did watch him to leave.

Ellie: Stan is a major handful.
Laurie: Bitch please, one of my brother's thought he was a pitbull.

Laurie: Highway to the lady zone, what what.
Ellie: Highway indeed.

Ellie: We're at a public event this is not the place for ear sex and a full body rub down.
Laurie: All you do is take me granted.

What’s the fun of having a yard sale if we can’t mock the low life's that shop there?

There is no greater tragedy than outliving your own wine glass.

Jules: The mayor’s wife can take a bottle of wine?
Ellie: Uh, no that’s more of an Ellie thing. We should walk faster.

Jules: Hey, does it make me gay if I eat this?
Ellie: I think it does.
Jules: Well I’m doing it anyway.
Laurie: Do you want a fork?

You don’t count she lets you see her naked.

Jules: Ever since I got back from Hollywood I've turned into a real movie slut.
Andy: I think you mean movie buff.
Ellie: No, no she's right, the expression is movie slut - change approved.

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Grayson: Shall we?
Jules: Indeed!