Laurie: That's a nice top, but I couldn't wear it because of these puppies. [grabs boobs]
Kylie: Okay....
Ellie: Leave her alone! Hey, that's a nice necklace, are your parents rich?

Ellie: Do you remember that great Thanksgiving blowup where your uncle mike got drunk and told your cousin she was invited.
Jules: She was fourteen and Korean, on some level she knew.

Grayson: So you're having the whole gang over turkey day, huh?
Jules: Well
Grayson: I don't really have any plans since my wife left and all our friends were pretty much her friends. And both my parents are dead....
Ellie: Did they die in the last six months?
Jules: No.
Ellie: Then who cares? Hand me my drink.

That's the reason I got a Cabana! To avoid guys with barb wired tattoos.

Laurie [to Jules for picture]: Arch your back and stick out your chest
Ellie: And say classy!

You need to warn me when you're going to give me life advice so I can get out my notebook

Listen half pint, I'm not gonna thank you for things you're supposed to do. If I did I'd have to start thanking you for killing bugs and supporting me

Ellie: You totally had sex last night
Jules: How'd you know
Ellie: I'm your best friend, I know these things, plus there's a condom wrapper on your back
Jules: Oh, is it just the one?
Ellie: Good god, Jules

Ellie [about Josh]: He kisses with a perfect seal around you mouth like he's trying to suck your brains out
Jules: I know, but he's gotten so much better
Ellie: That's better?
Josh: I'm gonna get us some more drinks

Ellie: If you don't stop with the hazelnut, I'm gonna make my own coffee
Jules: No you won't
Elie: You're right, even saying it was too much work

[Andy and Ellie watching their sex tape]
Andy: Is my back really that hairy?
Ellie: Yes
Andy: Is this in slow motion?
Ellie: No
Andy: Can we just erase this?
Ellie: Yes

Laurie [about Ellie]: She's hot for a frigid, beastly, elderly woman
Ellie: You think I'm hot
Jules: That worked?
Ellie: Well yeah because if that trashy big lipped slag said it, it might be a little true
Laurie: You think I have big lips? That's really sweet

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Grayson: Shall we?
Jules: Indeed!