Laurie: Wait, why do we have to have coffee over here?
Jules: 'Cause wherever I am is where we have coffee.
Ellie: But this is horrible.

Jules: I fought a bum for wine and lost.
Ellie: Didn't you mom teach you bums always win wine fights?

Jules: It's time to suck up!
Ellie: That's for boys.
Jules: It's time to uterus up!

Ellie: Hey bartender how could you miss a question about bartending?
Grayson: I don't know. You missed the one about blood draining parasites.
Ellie: It's not the same.
Grayson: It is the same.

It chews gum while it eats buffalo wings. How did it beat us?

Ellie: Way to self-compliment.
Jules: I thought I snuck it in there.

Good God. An army of jellybeans.

Ellie: Whatcha got goin' on there Dime Eyes?
Grayson: A big bowl of "we can do this."

I'm eating a big bite of "I was right steak." Mmmm...but it needs something. Maybe a nice glass of 1985 SUCK IT. smooth.

Ellie: It is a gorgeous night and I have no kid waiting at home. Shiraz me. Laurie, you are rockin' those jeans. Hi girlfriend!
Laurie: Why's it being nice?
Andy: Is this the golden seven minutes?

If there is a ridiculous Cuban hiding over there, you can tell him that it's fine if he wants to go dancing with Trampface tonight.

Having a baby in your forties is exhausting, and people will judge you if you keep a sippy cup full of wine in the stroller so you can pound grape.

Cougar Town Quotes

Tell her I'll get like, jury duty drunk.


Don't hate the player, hate the game, yo!