Laurie: Wait, why do we have to have coffee over here?
Jules: 'Cause wherever I am is where we have coffee.
Ellie: But this is horrible.

Jules: I fought a bum for wine and lost.
Ellie: Didn't you mom teach you bums always win wine fights?

Jules: It's time to suck up!
Ellie: That's for boys.
Jules: It's time to uterus up!

Ellie: Hey bartender how could you miss a question about bartending?
Grayson: I don't know. You missed the one about blood draining parasites.
Ellie: It's not the same.
Grayson: It is the same.

It chews gum while it eats buffalo wings. How did it beat us?

Ellie: Way to self-compliment.
Jules: I thought I snuck it in there.

Good God. An army of jellybeans.

Ellie: Whatcha got goin' on there Dime Eyes?
Grayson: A big bowl of "we can do this."

I'm eating a big bite of "I was right steak." Mmmm...but it needs something. Maybe a nice glass of 1985 SUCK IT. Ah..so smooth.

Ellie: It is a gorgeous night and I have no kid waiting at home. Shiraz me. Laurie, you are rockin' those jeans. Hi girlfriend!
Laurie: Why's it being nice?
Andy: Is this the golden seven minutes?

If there is a ridiculous Cuban hiding over there, you can tell him that it's fine if he wants to go dancing with Trampface tonight.

Having a baby in your forties is exhausting, and people will judge you if you keep a sippy cup full of wine in the stroller so you can pound grape.