Cougar Town

Ellie Torres Quotes

Ellie: Stan the bartender?
Andy: We have a son named Stan.
Ellie: Oh, sure sure.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ellie: I'd be so much of a better husband than you. You're lucky you have a penis.
Grayson: Yup, they're pretty cool.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ellie: I don't know what you're thinking, but it's like watching a gay porn with just one dude in it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jules: When did you get so good at lying?
Ellie: There's no shortcut. Just practice, practice, practice.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jules: Time for family dinner.
Grayson: Uh, if it's family, then why is she here?
Ellie: What am I supposed to do eat with Andy? I did that yesterday.
 • Rating: Unrated

Laurie: If you really want to get back at a man, scare him with a pregnancy test. I've got a whole box of old positives at my house.
Ellie: You're an American treasure.
 • Rating: Unrated

Travis: You know, I've actually been experimenting at school.
Ellie: I totally called that!
Jules: What's his name? Is he cute?
Travis: I meant with religion.
Jules: Aw man, I was excited to show you how cool I'd be about it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Laurie: Man hands? You're stealing jokes from Seinfeld now?
Jules: Was that that Jewish guy you dated in High School?
Ellie: No, he had a huge TV show. Must see TV?
Jules: Never heard of it. No one's gonna tell me what's must see.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ellie: Should I remove your nuts?
Laurie: Oh, it's not you, she's just a horrible person.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ellie: I'm not high anymore.
 • Rating: Unrated

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