You look white trash enough to be Kid Rock's mom.

All the chaos and destruction in town just kind of makes me feel romantic. If we'd walked over a power line, Andy might have gotten luck right then and there.

My house has become the secret lair of Captain No Job

Ellie: Two choices: heads divorce, tails murder.

I'm a stay at home mom with a full time nanny. I get up to stuff.

You're dressed up. Are you going out? May I come?

Ellie: We've been robbed!
Jules: Dun dun dun... I don't know why I did that.

Ellie: What are our defenses?
Tom: Well, my garage is completely soundproof.
Ellie: Terrifying. Continue.

Travis: My tee-ball coach diagnosed me with a terminal case of 'the dropsies'.
Ellie: A month from now, you're going to be holding a fragile, infant life in your hands.
Travis: Do you think it's going to be a problem?
Ellie: Babies heads are soft.

Jules: You know, I was trying to find the perfect setting and now I just don't know what to do. I know I have to tell them, or, a different approach, we hop in a car, drive west, and never look back.
Ellie: Don't joke! I packed my Thelma and Louise bag six years ago, so say the word I'll go grab it.

When she and I kiss, we kiss on the lips.

That's true. I earned my spot, and you slutted your way in.

Cougar Town Quotes

(to creepy Panda guy) You get some Ling Ling!

Jules

You said you'd be mean, but that cut like a knife.

Laurie