Kelly: Can you stop micro-managing? I know how to do this.
Dwight: What are you guys doing?
Kelly: This girl was really rude to me at the mall, so I created a fake IM account from a hot guy at her high school, and now I'm trying to make her anorexic.
Ryan: Tell her everyone in homeroom thinks she's fat.
Kelly: That is so good.

Kelly: I never thought of myself as an executive before.
Dwight: I know, because you have no role models! How many Indian CEOs can you think of?
Kelly: I can't think of any CEOs. Any race.
Dwight: You could be the Indian Bill Gates. You could be the Indian... Ted Turner.
Kelly: I could be the Indian Julia Roberts.
Dwight: That's not... [sighs] she's... OK. Yes.

Dwight: Man! White people, right?
Kelly: I don't know if she was white.
Dwight: Well you can kind of tell from their voice.
Kelly: Yeah.
Dwight: I bet you get pulled over by the cops a lot because of your race.
Kelly: Well they say it's because of texting but, maybe you're right.

Dwight: How has being a minority affected you.
Kelly: Well there's a lot of pressure from my parents, to settle down and marry an Indian guy.
Dwight: Oh good, and you resent this because?
Kelly: Indian guys always wear their cellphones outside their pants. It's so dorky.
Dwight: No no no. That's not dorky. Look, it's easily accessible. Boom, like this. 911? Hello, Scranton strangler's in the house. Inside the house!
Kelly: Just put it in your pocket.

Dwight: How would one of you feel, if I told you I could put you on a fast track to an executive position at this company.
Erin: Holy cow. I'd be so happy.
Dwight: I wasn't talking to you, Pale Face.
Erin: I know, I mean I'd be happy for them!
Dwight: What I'm offering is a ticket on a bullet train, straight to middle management.
Stanley: Dwight, I know this program. "Every color is important because together we make a rainbow."
Dwight: Yes.
Stanley: I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow.

Just once, I'd like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask?

Dwight: Prideful idiots. Watch how it's done. Gabriel. I apologize.
Gabe: Great.
Dwight: I kneel before you.
Gabe: Guys, I would even take a contrite look as an apology.
Dwight: Humbly taking your hand, upon which I kiss to show my contrition.

Jim: What's up?
Dwight: Milk is coming in, she's getting uncomfortable.
Jim: Dwight, don't be gross.
Pam: No, no he's right.
Dwight: Same things happens to my cows if I don't tend them frequently enough. You gotta milk 'em. Or else they'll moo like crazy.

Dwight: That is an amusing link. I'd like it sent to me please.
Kevin: Angela, this is inappropriate.
Angela: This is my favorite day!

Pam: That's weird, my breast pump's missing. [to Jim] Have you seen my breast pump?
Dwight: Okay, this is going to traumatize me a hell of a lot more than you believe me.
Pam: You know what Dwight? Let me just check the bathroom first, okay?
Dwight: Really? Fine. Let your breasts explode. Three squeezes, and I would drain you.
Pam: Mmmm.

Angela versus Isabelle. Height, advantage Isabelle. Birthing hips, advantage Isabelle. Remaining childbearing years, advantage Isabelle. Legal obligation, advantage Angela.

Dwight: Well well well. If it isn't Isabelle. What's a girl like you doing in a place like this.
Isabelle: A girl like me is why a guy like you comes to a place like this.
Dwight: Ooh. I love repartee.
Isabelle: Do you?
Dwight: Usually means there's a battle scene coming.

Displaying quotes 181 - 192 of 634 in total

The Office Quotes

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael

Pam: I actually might not go. Feeling kind of tired.
Meredith: Do you wanna make appletinis and watch Sex and the City at my place?
Pam: Oh, I don't know. I haven't decided. Yet.

x Close Ad