Dwight Schrute Quotes
Kelly: Can you stop micro-managing? I know how to do this.
Dwight: What are you guys doing?
Kelly: This girl was really rude to me at the mall, so I created a fake IM account from a hot guy at her high school, and now I'm trying to make her anorexic.
Ryan: Tell her everyone in homeroom thinks she's fat.
Kelly: That is so good.
- Permalink: Can you stop micro-managing? I know how to do this. What are y...
Kelly: I never thought of myself as an executive before.
Dwight: I know, because you have no role models! How many Indian CEOs can you think of?
Kelly: I can't think of any CEOs. Any race.
Dwight: You could be the Indian Bill Gates. You could be the Indian... Ted Turner.
Kelly: I could be the Indian Julia Roberts.
Dwight: That's not... [sighs] she's... OK. Yes.
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Dwight: Man! White people, right?
Kelly: I don't know if she was white.
Dwight: Well you can kind of tell from their voice.
Dwight: I bet you get pulled over by the cops a lot because of your race.
Kelly: Well they say it's because of texting but, maybe you're right.
- Permalink: Man! White people, right? I don't know if she was white. Wel...
Dwight: How has being a minority affected you.
Kelly: Well there's a lot of pressure from my parents, to settle down and marry an Indian guy.
Dwight: Oh good, and you resent this because?
Kelly: Indian guys always wear their cellphones outside their pants. It's so dorky.
Dwight: No no no. That's not dorky. Look, it's easily accessible. Boom, like this. 911? Hello, Scranton strangler's in the house. Inside the house!
Kelly: Just put it in your pocket.
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Dwight: How would one of you feel, if I told you I could put you on a fast track to an executive position at this company.
Erin: Holy cow. I'd be so happy.
Dwight: I wasn't talking to you, Pale Face.
Erin: I know, I mean I'd be happy for them!
Dwight: What I'm offering is a ticket on a bullet train, straight to middle management.
Stanley: Dwight, I know this program. "Every color is important because together we make a rainbow."
Stanley: I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow.
- Permalink: I'll smack you in the face with a rainbow.
Just once, I'd like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask?
- Permalink: Just once, I'd like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wr...
Dwight: Prideful idiots. Watch how it's done. Gabriel. I apologize.
Dwight: I kneel before you.
Gabe: Guys, I would even take a contrite look as an apology.
Dwight: Humbly taking your hand, upon which I kiss to show my contrition.
- Permalink: Prideful idiots. Watch how it's done. Gabriel. I apologize. Gr...
Jim: What's up?
Dwight: Milk is coming in, she's getting uncomfortable.
Jim: Dwight, don't be gross.
Pam: No, no he's right.
Dwight: Same things happens to my cows if I don't tend them frequently enough. You gotta milk 'em. Or else they'll moo like crazy.
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Dwight: That is an amusing link. I'd like it sent to me please.
Kevin: Angela, this is inappropriate.
Angela: This is my favorite day!
- Permalink: This is my favorite day!
Pam: That's weird, my breast pump's missing. [to Jim] Have you seen my breast pump?
Dwight: Okay, this is going to traumatize me a hell of a lot more than you believe me.
Pam: You know what Dwight? Let me just check the bathroom first, okay?
Dwight: Really? Fine. Let your breasts explode. Three squeezes, and I would drain you.
- Permalink: Three squeezes and I would drain you.
Angela versus Isabelle. Height, advantage Isabelle. Birthing hips, advantage Isabelle. Remaining childbearing years, advantage Isabelle. Legal obligation, advantage Angela.
- Permalink: Angela versus Isabelle. Height, advantage Isabelle. Birthing hip...
Dwight: Well well well. If it isn't Isabelle. What's a girl like you doing in a place like this.
Isabelle: A girl like me is why a guy like you comes to a place like this.
Dwight: Ooh. I love repartee.
Isabelle: Do you?
Dwight: Usually means there's a battle scene coming.
- Permalink: Well well well. If it isn't Isabelle. What's a girl like you doi...
Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.Michael
- Permalink: Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sin...
I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.Andy
- Permalink: I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days befor...