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Now that I own the building I've been looking for new sources of revenue...and a daycare center? Woohahahaha. Well I guess it's not an evil idea, it's just a regular idea, but there's no good laugh for a regular idea.

Pam: Dwight! What are you doing? We've only been in here for like two seconds!
Dwight: I've got 56 ounces of fluid in my bladder and we have to establish a pee corner!

The elevator's disobeying us!

Dwight: Bigger the key chain, more powerful the man.
Jim: That's right...janitor said that.

Schrute sperm are strong. But not as strong as a fully-grown Schrute.

[on his money] I don't want to dig past a certain someone to get it.

Dwight: How do I apply?
Gabe: You have to be a minority.
Dwight: Uh, glasses wearers? Cholera survivors? Geniuses? Non-organic family farmers? The list goes on and on you want me to keep going?
Gabe: Those don't really count. We're thinking more, ethnic and racial minorities.
Dwight: Come here, come here. Ten seconds ago this guy was driving a forklift, OK? Now all of a sudden he's Cinderella of the office. What are you guys thinking?
Darryl: I like the sound of this. Maybe someday I'll be sitting in Michael's chair. Wouldn't that be something.

Dwight: Speaking of rainbows, Oscar, you are, kind of a double minority. Gay. So, we at Sabre could really benefit from your perspective.
Oscar: Dwight. We know Kelly applied. We're not going to cross her. No matter how good the program is.
Dwight: I can protect you from Kelly.
Erin: [scoffs]
Dwight: Will you get out of here? Seriously!

Dwight: Well, obviously, she's, brown-ish but, come on I mean Darryl is far more, ethnic.
Gabe: Darryl withdrew his application. The dates of the Yale program interfered with his softball league so, he's gone.

One minority from this branch is going to get into this program. Who would I prefer? Hmm. A competent hard-working one who does things his own way? Or the malleable simpleton who can be bought for a few fashion magazines?

I don't understand why Michael is wasting his time with Spanish. I have it on very good authority, that within 20 years everyone will be speaking German. Or a Chinese-German hybrid.

Kelly will be even worse than Darryl. If you'd have told me this morning that today I'd be creating a monster capable of my own destruction, I'd have thought you were referring to the bull Mose and I are trying to reanimate.

Displaying quotes 169 - 180 of 634 in total

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Robert: You want a three and a half day weekend for Columbus Day?
Andy: Yes I do.
Robert: And you are aware Columbus and his legions committed genocide against an entire civilization of Native Americans?
Andy: I don't care.

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