Looks like someone decided to dress up as old Dwight Schrute's mom. You're only one third as beautiful and about half her height.

Jim: Stop.
Dwight: Too late. If I was the real Scranton Strangler, you'd be so strangled by now. And if you're out there Strangler, you will get caught, by me!

Drop the act, Cordray. Okay, we all know that you probably thought that Pam was too mehh. Or thin without being toned, but I want to tell you something. She is one of the plain, hearty women of Scranton that make this city great. And so what if she doesn't wear make-up. We like her better that way.

Dwight: People can't keep their true natures hidden for long and this guy is smoldering like a tire fire.
Michael: Testify.

Jim: Meredith Van Helsing?
Dwight: Van Helsing was a respected professor before he was a vampire killer.
Jim: Okay, but what is he more famous for?

Dwight: Who is this "the Steve Nash"?
Jim: Phoenix Suns point guard...nothing?
Dwight: No, Mr. jock hipster.
Jim: Well I'm neither of those things so...

Dwight: I left him all the tools he needs. This is do or die. If he chooses correctly, he will conquer the hornets.
Andy: And if he doesn't?
Dwight: He'll die.
Everyone: What? Beg your pardon?
Dwight: When did the phrase "Do or die" become so corrupted?

Phyllis: I got stung up my dress.
Dwight: Poor hornet.

Well that singing got in the way of some perfectly good murders.

I work with that guy. His name's Andy. He's a terrible salesman.

Fine, I'll go to your little show, but I'm not wearing a cape.

Dwight: I see you found our magical toy box Jim.
Jim: These are actually forks and knives from the break room.
Dwight: Jim (laughs), to you and me maybe, but come on. To a child's imagination, that's Mr. Fork and Lieutenant Knife...and Miss Fork.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael