I always wanted to be hay king... but the world shines on Mose.

Did I truck three hundred bails of hay to a parking lot to rectify some childhood disappointment? Yes.

Dwight: The petting zoo closes at 2:00, and the goat roast starts at 3:00.

  • Permalink: 00.
  • Added:

Everyone follow me to the shelter. We have enough food for 14 days. After that, we have a very difficult conversation.

You been with a blonde before? It's the big leagues.

In the Schrute family the youngest child always raises the others. I've been raising children since I was a baby.

Tonight might be a convenient night for us to have some intercourse.

Of all feelings to base a show around, glee? Thirst, now that's a show I'd watch.

Hello, it's Dwight from the vestibule. You wanna know my 11th commandment? I will not be undersold. I am ready to love thy neighbor with these kinda discounts.

As a gift to this beautiful congregation I would like to offer...a four percent discount on all Dunder Mifflin/Sabre products, if you buy a printer at full price.

Pam: It's just that if a vampire coughed he would do it like this (coughs into crook of elbow).
Dwight: Right, and ruin their cloaks? Do you have any idea how expensive wool is in Transylvania? 'Cause of the Euro.

I know how to sit on a fence. Hell, I can even sleep on a fence. The trick is to do it face down with the post in your mouth.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy