Dwight: I need you to promise me that you'll be on your best behavior.
Jim: I promiseeeeed other people that I'd be on my worst behavior, and I gave 'em my word so...

I will never be happier than I am right now. I will also never be less happy. I will be at my current maximum happiness for the rest of my life, because I am manager of the Scranton Branch of Dunder Mifflin...acting manager.

If I wanted to see a pissing contest I'd lock Mose in the chicken coop.

Deangelo, tell your whore to leave me alone!

What's the argument here? NBA, WNBA. One is a sport. One is a joke. I love sports. I love jokes. Room for all.

Congratulations on your one cousin. I have 70, each one better than the last.

Once you see sausage being made, all you wanna do is make sausage cause it's so much fun.

Michael: I am told there are bears in the Rockies.
Dwight: Where'd you here that? Obvious XM Radio?

Dwight: I just don't see the point of the Dundies, okay? The jokes are terrible, the venue was bad, the fashion was boring.
Michael: Okay, that is unfair. The clothing was safe but tasteful.

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