I always wanted to be hay king... but the world shines on Mose.

Did I truck three hundred bails of hay to a parking lot to rectify some childhood disappointment? Yes.

Dwight: The petting zoo closes at 2:00, and the goat roast starts at 3:00.

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Everyone follow me to the shelter. We have enough food for 14 days. After that, we have a very difficult conversation.

You been with a blonde before? It's the big leagues.

In the Schrute family the youngest child always raises the others. I've been raising children since I was a baby.

Tonight might be a convenient night for us to have some intercourse.

Of all feelings to base a show around, glee? Thirst, now that's a show I'd watch.

Hello, it's Dwight from the vestibule. You wanna know my 11th commandment? I will not be undersold. I am ready to love thy neighbor with these kinda discounts.

As a gift to this beautiful congregation I would like to offer...a four percent discount on all Dunder Mifflin/Sabre products, if you buy a printer at full price.

Pam: It's just that if a vampire coughed he would do it like this (coughs into crook of elbow).
Dwight: Right, and ruin their cloaks? Do you have any idea how expensive wool is in Transylvania? 'Cause of the Euro.

I know how to sit on a fence. Hell, I can even sleep on a fence. The trick is to do it face down with the post in your mouth.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael