House: You're invoking the guy code?
Wilson: We're guys. It's a code.

Wilson: Can I talk to you for a second?
House: I'm interrogating a suspect.

Wilson: We're not gay!
Neighbor: Seriously?

Dr. Wilson: I'm not here for an argument, House.
House: No. Right. That's room 12A.

House: I'm ignoring you to make a point.
Dr. Wilson: The problem with that technique is I have no idea what point you're making.
House: That your idea is implicitly no worth listening to. Doubling your patient's chemo is stupid. Damn, now it's explicit.

House: I didn't realize you'd be in the middle of something.
Wilson: It's a conference room. With glass walls.

I just had a House moment... how cool is that?

Friend: I read somewhere that turkeys know what you're thinking.
Wilson: Then I should stop thinking about German porn.

House: He's a self-important jerk,
Wilson: Seems to be what I'm attracted to.

How you manage to elevate your narcissism to beneficence is masterful.

Dr. Wilson

House: I've decided what I'm going to do about Cuddy and Lucas. I'm going to break them up.
Dr. Wilson: Of course.
House: It's given me a purpose in life. A goal, a raison d'etre.
Dr. Wilson: Albeit a selfish, mean-spirited, childish raison
House: I think of it more as benevolent.

House: You think she'd send me to a vacant lot for Thanksgiving dinner?
Wilson: If she's smart.

House Quotes

Chase: Did you ever love me?!?
Cameron: I don't know.
Chase: Thank you for finally telling me.

House: We are condemned to useless labor...
Dr. Wilson: Fourth circle of hell. Charting goes a lot faster when you eliminate all classic poetry.
House: Writing down what we already know to be read by nobody. Pretty sure Dante would agree that qualifies as useless.
Dr. Wilson: You're over two weeks behind in your charting...
(Dr. Cuddy approaches them, and House throws a piece of paper towards her)
House: Oops... I missed!