House: I can't find my pornos.
Wilson: Have you tried offering a reward?

Chase: I'm not that good looking.
House: Yeah, you are.
Wilson: You kind of are.

Your odds of a happy ending are nearly as good as staying home and watching porn.

Wilson: Who rents porn anymore? Can't you get this stuff on the Internet?
House: You can. But you can't get the director's cut.

Wilson: What are you doing tonight?
House: Masturbating. I'd invite you, but people are already talking.

Wilson: You try Lucas?
Cuddy: He's either sleeping or avoiding me.
Wilson: You in a fight?
Cuddy: Not yet, but we're gonna be.

You are the diabolical, yet benevolent puppet master.

Wilson: I think you're actually being nice.
House: Oh, shut up.

Wilson: Are you out of your mind?
House: As a former psychiatric patient, I take exception to that terminology.

Displaying quotes 46 - 54 of 127 in total