Wilson: Who rents porn anymore? Can't you get this stuff on the Internet?
House: You can. But you can't get the director's cut.

Wilson: What are you doing tonight?
House: Masturbating. I'd invite you, but people are already talking.

Wilson: You try Lucas?
Cuddy: He's either sleeping or avoiding me.
Wilson: You in a fight?
Cuddy: Not yet, but we're gonna be.

You are the diabolical, yet benevolent puppet master.

Wilson: I think you're actually being nice.
House: Oh, shut up.

Wilson: Are you out of your mind?
House: As a former psychiatric patient, I take exception to that terminology.

Wilson: What are you doing?
House: Canoeing, but I seem to be taking on water.

Dr. Wilson: Wait a minute, is that acutally a check for him?
House: No. It's a giant novelty item for winning the lottery. You're just standing really far away.

House: Some idiot I went to med school with keeps leaving messages. Wants to drop by for lunch.
Dr. Wilson: So tell him no.
House: It's complicated.
Dr. Wilson: It's too complicated for you to tell someone you don't like to screw off? That's practically your hobby.

Wilson: If there's any Karma in this, he's probably happier than you are.
House: Good point.

You can't sleep in your own office, or bedroom for that matter?

Wilson: Gregory House, will you marry me?
House: This is unexpected.

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 127 in total

House Quotes

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

House

So, you're saying... you want a prenup. In liquid form.

Dr. Chase (to Cameron)
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