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Sam: When did you get all OCD?
Wilson: I just want clean dishes and cold milk so we can all stay healthy.

House, on a list of your attributes, there's nothing that even rhymes with coy.

House: I bumped into your babe, naked.
Dr. Wilson: I told you to stay out of my bathroom.
House: I was in the kitchen.
Dr. Wilson: She was naked in the kitchen?
House: I was naked.
Dr. Wilson: Why the hell were you naked in the kitchen?
House: Uh, it's not important right now.

Thirteen: Dare. But no nudity.
Wilson: Yes, nudity. I want you to show your breasts to Taub.

Thirteen: What now?
Wilson: Truth or dare?
Thirteen: No! You don't wanna mess with me.

You know, they don't actually come to life when you put a knob off a bedpost on them.

Dr. Wilson

Dr. Wilson: Would you mind at least putting a napkin under your jelly toast?
House: Get a table, and I won't eat on the couch.
Dr. Wilson: You, you will.
House: But I won't have a good excuse.

Wilson: Your biological father is a minister?
House: Natural selection is not an infallible force.

Giving House a computer is like giving plutonium to Dr. No.

House: I can't find my pornos.
Wilson: Have you tried offering a reward?

Chase: I'm not that good looking.
House: Yeah, you are.
Wilson: You kind of are.

Your odds of a happy ending are nearly as good as staying home and watching porn.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 127 in total

House Quotes

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.


House: Lift up your arms. You have a parasite.
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
House: Lie back and lift up your sweater. You can put your arms down.
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
Jill: Illegal?
House: Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
Jill: Playdates...
House: (showing her sonogram) It has your eyes.