Sam: When did you get all OCD?
Wilson: I just want clean dishes and cold milk so we can all stay healthy.

House, on a list of your attributes, there's nothing that even rhymes with coy.

House: I bumped into your babe, naked.
Dr. Wilson: I told you to stay out of my bathroom.
House: I was in the kitchen.
Dr. Wilson: She was naked in the kitchen?
House: I was naked.
Dr. Wilson: Why the hell were you naked in the kitchen?
House: Uh, it's not important right now.

Thirteen: Dare. But no nudity.
Wilson: Yes, nudity. I want you to show your breasts to Taub.

Thirteen: What now?
Wilson: Truth or dare?
Thirteen: No! You don't wanna mess with me.

You know, they don't actually come to life when you put a knob off a bedpost on them.

Dr. Wilson

Dr. Wilson: Would you mind at least putting a napkin under your jelly toast?
House: Get a table, and I won't eat on the couch.
Dr. Wilson: You, you will.
House: But I won't have a good excuse.

Wilson: Your biological father is a minister?
House: Natural selection is not an infallible force.

Giving House a computer is like giving plutonium to Dr. No.

House: I can't find my pornos.
Wilson: Have you tried offering a reward?

Chase: I'm not that good looking.
House: Yeah, you are.
Wilson: You kind of are.

Your odds of a happy ending are nearly as good as staying home and watching porn.

House Quotes

It's easy to be nice to people you like. Being nice to people you hate, that's a skill.


35 year old male who cries blood and is not Vampire Bill. Go!