House: Why do people believe I'm incapable of doing anything nice?
Dr. Wilson: Experience.

Dr. Wilson: Well, at least the Alzheimer's patient in 202 won't remember she only got half a ham sandwich.
House: I'm doing her a favor.

Dr. Wilson: I am not giving you advice just so you can distort it to suit your own warped world view.
House: But it's been working so well.

Dr. Wilson: Cuddy will be home from work in six hours. But no big deal. I'll just scream, "Look over there," while you quickly shove a scope up her daughter's rectum.
House: I could offer to baby-sit again, let her have the night out.
Dr. Wilson: Sure. That won't raise any suspicions.
House: I wish I was nicer.

Dr. Wilson: This is actually good, House. She's committing crimes. What does that tell you?
House: I'm a horrible influence.
Dr. Wilson: True. A horrible influence she's reaching out to. She's looking for ways to connect. Sure, they're self-destructive, juvenile, and insane, but so are you.

House: Yeah. I have to avoid this problem. If I can restrict our interactions to places where neither of us are wearing pants.
Dr. Wilson: Yeah, that's not avoiding the problem, it's avoiding the issue.
House: Since avoidance is my plan for dealing with the issue, technically, that's not avoiding it. Thanks.

Dr. Wilson: House, everything's changed. You're sleeping together. You want something from her besides a sign-off on scaring a patient to death.
House: You talked to Taub.
Dr. Wilson: He's worried about you.
House: He's a jerk.
Dr. Wilson: I'm worried too.
House: Do I need to say it?

Dr. Cuddy: It's time for our meeting in Human Resources.
House: Hmmm. Human Resources. Now why would I need to go to Human Resources?
Dr. Wilson: House, you've been to Human Resources 74 times in the last six weeks.

Wilson: I was wondering what your plans were.
House: Tonight?
Wilson: In life.

Dr. Wilson: I was telling a 39-year-old woman that she has breast cancer.
House: No, you weren't.
Dr. Wilson: How do you know?
House: Because if you were, you'd need to see the pain in her eyes so she could see the concern in yours.

Dr. Wilson: Just think of this as a dream.
Sam: What about House?
Dr. Wilson: I said a dream, not a nightmare.

I'm getting a lecture in communication from someone who had her lawyer tell me she wanted a divorce.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 127 in total

House Quotes

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

House

So, you're saying... you want a prenup. In liquid form.

Dr. Chase (to Cameron)
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