I can understand your confusion. I ate a baby for lunch today.

[To Dr. Park] You have to give him something he values more than honor. And you should update your resume.

The thing is House, I don't like you.

Wilson: You're forging my name on prescriptions again.
House: No. Because what you just said implied I stopped.

Dr. Wilson: You're an ass.
House: What, for trying to walk on a freshly mangled leg? Performing surgery on myself? For thinking I could solve my emotional problems with rat medicine? If you're gonna nag, at least have the decency to be specific.

Somehow in your knee-jerk, juvenile way, you tripped and fell into an actual adult response to this.

Disgusting beasts. I don't know why I ever agreed to this bet.

You're a lot of things, House, but you've never been a sadist. You're pummeling an opponent who isn't fighting back.

Dr. Wilson: We are gonna talk about this, and we're gonna deal with this.
House: So I have no choice. Fine. Unless... unless... yes, I do. I do have legs. I see you didn't factor those into your brilliant plan.

Dr. Wilson: Maybe... talk to someone.
House: Already scheduled.
Dr. Wilson: Really?
House: I'm not an idiot. I know I need help.
Dr. Wilson: Okay. That's... great. I meant, like, a counselor.
House: I know.
Dr. Wilson: But you meant a hooker.
House: Yeah. baby steps.

Wilson: She told me you had taken a Vicodin.
House: And then I took A lot more.

I was going to send Chase to tell you what the obvious right thing to do is here is, but then I realized that if you were too stupid to know how stupid that was, you might miss the irony.

Dr. Wilson

House Quotes

Do you know what bisexual means? It doesn't mean you have sex with two people at once.

Thirteen

You know another really good business? Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get them in frog green or fire engine red. Really. The antibodies in yummy mummy only protect the kid for six months, which is why these companies think they can gouge you. They think that you'll spend whatever they ask to keep your kid alive. Want to change things? Prove them wrong. A few hundred parents like you decide they'd rather let their kid die than cough up forty bucks for a vaccination, believe me, prices will drop really fast.

House