Chuck: Forgive me for stating the obvious, but isn't being published a writer's goal?
Dan: Not for this book. It's a scathing social satire. About everyone I know, including you.
Chuck: [smiles] The return of Charlie Trout.

Dan: Well how about instead of pain you try to feel good things. I could tickle you.
Chuck: I'd rather hire someone else to do that, thank you.

Chuck: That's what you don't understand. I feel nothing when I see her and Louis. Or when I jump off a building or when I crash a motorcycle. Even you don't irritate me.
Dan: Well having these guys beat you up isn't the way to fix anything. You could have died.
Chuck: Is being dead that much worse than being nothing?

Chuck: I wasn't trying to kill myself.
Dan: Then what the hell were you doing?
Chuck: I was hoping it would hurt.
Dan: What, to dull the pain of losing Blair?

Dan: Hey! I'm not part of his payment plan.
Chuck: Sorry. Mr. Bass said nothing should stop us except his safe word.
Dan: Well his is serious. He could die.
Chuck: All this be madness, yet there is some method in it. [gets kicked again] Guess that wasn't the safe word.
Dan: Chuck. Chuck. Tell them to stop.
Chuck: Okay. Fine. "Stop."
Dan: Stop? Really? That's it?

Blair: Beatrice. You have to understand, it's still so early. I didn't want to get Louis' hopes up if things weren't okay. I was going to tell him.
Louis: What were you going to tell me?
Beatrice: About her wonderful idea, Louis.
Blair: I have so many.
Dan: Mmm.

Dan: Blair, this isn't a joke. We are not leaving this room until you agree to get help.
Blair: I don't need help. I'm not bulimic. I'm pregnant.

Blair: Now you're going to be sorry you didn't guard.
Dan: Woah. You're gonna go? With me in here? I'm not sure our friendship can handle that.
Blair: Friendship is a tenuous term. Now be a gentleman and run the water.

Dan: I can't believe that I thought you changed last year. And since you didn't, Chuck is now going off the deep end trying to get your attention. Again.
Blair: No. Now that's where you're wrong. Whatever he's doing isn't about me. He was the who told me to marry Louis. And he meant it.

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