Dan: (reading a Christmas card) This one is from the Smiths. "Seasons Greetings." It's very original.
Jenny: Their name is Smith, you don't have to be original.

Gossip Girl: This just in - we hear there's a cold war brewing between Lonely Boy and a certain blue blood. We never thought we'd say this ourselves...
Serena: There you are. What's going on?
Dan: I'll tell you what's going on. I just became your escort to the ball.
Gossip Girl: ... But our money's on Brooklyn for the win!

CeCe: Do you like it here, Mr. Humphrey?
Dan: Looks a little bit like a museum, little cold. Although, the water pressure is unparalleled.
CeCe: That's not what I meant. But, of course, you would make a joke ... that goes to my point.
Dan: Excuse me? Did I miss something, here?
CeCe: Oh, yes. The way you feel? It never goes away. It just gets worse.

Dan: I thought I'd get grounded when you found out, just like Jenny was. But, I gotta admit, it would be worth it.
Rufus: I don't mind, at all. Tux looks great. Shoes look great. You look so great, you're gonna make me proud. Show that Celia Rhodes what us Humphrey men are made of.
Dan: What's going on, Dad? You're doing that thing again where you act really weird for no reason. It's kinda freaking me out.

Rufus: Little over-dressed for an art show, don't you think?
Dan: Dad, listen, um, I've been meaning to tell you. I'm sorry.
Rufus: Don't worry about your mom, I'll take care of it.
Dan: You don't mind?
Rufus: No.

Serena: Where are you going with this, Dan?
Dan: She came by my dad's gallery today.
Serena: Well, she probably just wanted to see your mom's art.
Dan: No, she was trying to buy him off so I wouldn't go with you tonight.
Serena: No. She wouldn't do something like that.
Dan: That's what I'm trying to tell you. That woman is the most manipulative person that I've ever met. She makes your mother look like Gandhi.
Serena: That's my grandmother you're talking about. I love her.
Dan: I know, and I'm so sorry. But, maybe you love her so much that you can't see what she's doing. I said it. There.
Serena: Maybe we shouldn't be doing this.
Dan: Maybe we shouldn't.

Serena: You're early.
Dan: Yeah, we need to talk.
Serena: What's up?
Dan: Is your grandmother here? Where is she?
Serena: Oh, yeah. She's in the other room, getting ready with my mom. Why?
Dan: I gotta be honest about something here. I don't think you're grandmother is who you think she is.
Serena: What are you talking about?
Dan: I know she got the whole free-spirit act perfected...
Serena: Act?
Dan: But I don't think she has your best interests at heart.

Jenny: Well, keep dreaming. Maybe one day she'll actually know your name.
Dan: Yeah, maybe. And then I'll have something to be thankful for.

Dan: So, uh, dad. Not that I'm... not that I'm mad, exactly. But, not telling me about Serena's mom? Extremely uncool.
Rufus: I should have said something, I know. And I'm sorry.
Dan: Given the "ick" factor alone, I'd say that you pushed my progress back by, at least, several months.
Rufus: Oh, come on. You're a Humphrey Man. No daughter of Lily's could ever resist.

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