Dan: Hey, what are you doing up here?
Nate: Meeting Serena. You too?
Dan: Why do I feel like we've been here before.

Vanessa: When are you gonna realize that you were a better person until the day you asked Serena out four years ago?
Dan: When are you going to realize that I had a better life before you climbed up my fire escape four years ago?

Vanessa: I always thought Serena was the reason you fell into the Upper East Side. But it was more than that.
Dan: Vanessa, seriously, this is none of your business.
Vanessa: You always wanted in. Maybe more than Jenny.
Dan: Of course the irony is, is that if I ever show it to anyone it'll guarantee my outsider status forever.

Vanessa: This could be the best satire on the Upper East Side since Bonfire of the Vanities. How long have you been working on this?
Dan: Five years, off and on.

Dan: I had Charlie but she slipped away.
Vanessa: She's gotta be around here somewhere.
Georgina: I'm sorry. She's a part of the gang but I'm not?

Nate: What's going on?
Dan: Charlie said something that kind of weirded me out. I'm hoping it's just a crazy misunderstanding and not actual crazy.
Nate: What'd she say?
Dan: Well, ah, we were kissing. And then things started to, you know. So then she says, "Call me Serena."
Nate: What?
Dan: Yeah.
Nate: Woah. Are you sure? I mean maybe that's just what you wanted to hear.
Dan: Nice one. But yeah. Yeah I'm sure.

Dan: There are a million gold dresses.
Serena: Yeah but there's only one with a Pamela Dennis label... cut out. Take it off.
Dan: This is obviously a misunderstanding.
Serena: Why are you defending her? You are not leaving here in that.
Charlie: If you didn't want me to go to the party with Dan you didn't have to humiliate me.
Serena: Okay, Charlie, this has nothing to do with Dan.
Dan: Good. Then you won't mind if we leave together. Now.

Charlie: When I was little Sour Patch Kids were pretty much my best friends. Them and books.
Dan: Books? Me too. What was your favorite.
Charlie: I could try to be cool and make something up, but if I were honest... Flowers in the Attic. My copy literally fell apart.
Dan: Really? What was it that you loved most, exactly? Was it the gripping tale of teen incest or just the general fine quality of the prose?

Dan: How'd it go with the band?
Rufus: You're looking at Panic's next producer.
Dan: What? That's great! What'd you do?
Rufus: I did what I should have done in the first place: talked about music.

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