Archer: Dammit Cyril you said they were sexy.
Cyril: Ninjas are sexy.
George Spelvin: Right?
Cyril: Well I think so!

Archer: Take the suits to my tailor and the shoes to my shoemaker.
Cyril: You have a shoemaker?
Archer: Do you not?

Cyril: I happen to be a kick ass accountant!
George Spelvin: Did that sound a lot better in your head?
Cyril: Yes it did.

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?

Cyril: Maybe I could kill that pesky old worm?
Pam: How you gonna do that? Disappoint it to death?

Pam: Can you explain compounding interest to Cheryl?
Cyril: Maybe if we had an infinite amount of time and she was some one else

Cyril: Ever since Lana and I broke up, I take solace in food.
Archer: Well keep your chins up, all eleven of them.

Cheryl: So, Krieger's a doctor.
Cyril: Not the medical kind!
Krieger: Not even the other kind... technically.

Cyril: I will start cooking the books.
Lana: Good thing you know how to cheat.

(Carol to Cyril, who has his hand pinned to Pam's mouth)
Carol: (suspicous) What are you doing?
Cyril: (lying) Just trying to get my muffin back!
Carol: Uh, not like that your not (growls) You gotta slug her in the stomach, with a forarm shiver.
(Cyril looks at Pam, who gives him a pleading look)
Carol: DO IT!!!
Cyril: Sorry.
(Rams his forarm into Pam's stomach)
Pam: (Throws up contents and key) Bleeck!
Carol: See? Time lost is muffin lost (drops lunch bag) And so is my appetite.

(Finding out Carol/Cheryl and Cyril had sex)
Pam: (luaghing) Oh My God hahaha! You two banged?
Cyril: See, here's the thing...um..uh...well..FRUIT BASKET!! (THrows basket at the girls and runs out)
Pam: (to Carol) Wow. You are just a dog in a manger aren't you?
Cheryl: (snarky) I don't know what that means Pam. I wasn't raised on a cheese farm..
Pam: OH FOR THE LOVE OF...(glaring at Carol) It's called a Dairy

Cyril: Archer?
Archer: Cyril? What are you...
Cyril:(interrupting) I think I need your help, I think I'm losing it here, man.
Archer: What gave it away, my mother's robe?(furious) Why are you wearing my mother's robe?
Cyril: I can explain this!
Archer: I don't think I want you to!
Cyril: See, it all started when you and Lana were...
Archer:(Interrupting) Cyril, you should tell her this.
Cyril: I tried, but you were naked, and it was all vulva this and...
Archer: Yeah, yeah, and as you stand here, d*ck and/or balls being caressed by my mother's robe(ugh), Lana is waiting for you.
Cyril: Really, where?
Archer: The Led Zeppelin suite.
(pause)
Cyril: There's a Von Zeppelin suite
Archer: Which I'm sure is what I meant.
Cyril: Thanks, Archer, you're the best! (Hurries off)
Archer: I know

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?