Archer

Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer
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Nothing is over! Nothing! You don't just turn it off!

Officer: The First Lady and I are having an affair.
Cyril: Damn, dog! That was my B.

I couldn't hear you over the sound of this gigantic freakin' tank!

Well, one's thing for sure. If I had to do it over, I'd be a dictator.

(imitating Malory) Cyril, shut up and find the vehicle..meh-heh-heh...I'm a hateful shrew.

Lana: You think I'm Ally Sheedy?!
Cyril: Ally Sheedy would have been WAY more likely to get pregnant in High School.

Cyril: Archer! Alligators or your mother?
Archer: What's the difference? They're both cold-blooded, prehistoric monsters

Archer: Whatever happened to "Team Archer?"
Cyril: Please tell me that was never a real thing to you

Cyril: Well, you did set the raft on fire.
Ray: Oh my God, you always take his side!
Cyril: I never, ever, EVER take his side!

Cyril: If you finish that sentence, I'm going to rub cocaine in your eyes till you are blind.
Ray: Goddamn, Shawshank!

Cyril: How do you not know the different kinds of porn?
Archer: Because I have sex with actual women, Cyril! My girlfriend's not equal parts the internet, a tube of Kentucky jelly, self-loathing and a sock!

Cyril: You could pose him with Woodhouse
Krieger: God knows he's a little GILF.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 48 in total

Archer Quotes

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.