Pam: Can we talk for a second?
Cyril: Is that before Krieger sexually assaulted a 220 outlet. (group laughs)

Guys, come on. Can't we have one poker night without a hate crime?

Cyril: And basically the only thing that keeps you from murdering each other is a lack of access to fire arms.
Pam: Works for Canada.
Cheryl: Nothing works for Canada.

Archer: Cyril, let's get that sweater vest off buddy
Cyril: I'm sorry?
Archer: I know! Nobody makes you wear them.

Cheryl: I have an idea!
Archer: OK wait. Does it have anything to do with our current situation?
Cheryl: Yes!
Archer: OK, what is it?
Cheryl: We are stuck in an elevator?
Cyril: The idea! Not our current situation!

Pam: Psst, Cyril rub one out.
Cyril: I do NOT want to masturbate
Pam: Not even after that (referencing Ray and Lana wrestling)

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Nothing is over! Nothing! You don't just turn it off!

Officer: The First Lady and I are having an affair.
Cyril: Damn, dog! That was my B.

I couldn't hear you over the sound of this gigantic freakin' tank!

Well, one's thing for sure. If I had to do it over, I'd be a dictator.

(imitating Malory) Cyril, shut up and find the vehicle..meh-heh-heh...I'm a hateful shrew.

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?