(inside a very large hole)
Mayor Quimby: Mmm, I guess we're not gonna find anything.
Otto: Well how we gonna get outta here?
Homer: We'll dig our way out!
Chief Wiggum: No, no, dig up, stupid!

(discussing the where-abouts of the buried treasure)
Homer: Nooo kidding?
Chief Wiggum: Big T, huh?
Homer: Well... I guess I'll be going to my home now and... sleep.
Chief Wiggum: Yeah... me too.... I will also go home.... for sleep.

I keep telling you lady, your father and son have to be missing for a week before we can start searching. I'd like to help sooner, I would, but we're very very busy down here! (plays chess)

(The Simpsons are watching TV)
Chief: You busted up that crack house pretty bad, McGonigle. Did you really have to break so much furniture?
McGonigle: You tell me, Chief. You had a pretty good view from behind your desk.
Homer: Ah, McGonigle: eases the pain.
Chief: You're off the case, McGonigle!
McGonigle: You're off your case, Chief!
Chief: What does that mean exactly?
Homer: (yelling) It means he gets results, you stupid chief!
Lisa: Dad, sit down.
Homer: Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm uh.. on a road, uh.. looks to be asphelt. Um, ah geez, trees, shrubs um.... I'm directly under the earths sun... nnnow!

Marge: We can't trick these guys. They are highly trained professionals!
(Ruth turns off the car lights.)
Chief Wiggum: Oh my god, it just disappeared! (Gasp) It's a ghost car! (Slams on brakes) There are ghost cars all over these highways you know.
Homer: Hold me!
Chief Wiggum: Only if you hold me!

Chief Wiggum: Mmm, engine-black eggs. If we can keep these down, we'll be sitting pretty.
(Marge and Ruth drive by)
Homer: That's them!
Chief Wiggum: Quiet! I can't hear the eggs.

Ah, just get one of those inflatable women. But make sure it's a woman, though, because one time I...uh, heh...

Kent Brockman: Another local peasant has been found dead, drained of his blood with two teeth marks on his throat. This black cape was found on the scene. (It is labeled "Dracula.") Police are baffled.
Chief Wiggum: We think we're dealing with a supernatural being, most likely a mummy. As a precaution, I've ordered the Egyptian wing of the Springfield museum destroyed.

(Devil Flanders curses Homer by turning his head into a donut.)
Marge: Homer, don't pick at it!
Homer: But, Marge, I'm so sweet and tasty! Well, I guess I'll go to work.
Lisa: Uh, Dad, I wouldn't go out there if I were you.
Chief Wiggum: (Outside house, sipping coffee) Don't worry, boys. He's got to come out of there sometime.

Bart: Take him away, boys.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake him away, toys.
Lou: What'd you say, chief?
Chief Wiggum: Do what the kid said.

Sideshow Bob has no decency, he called me, Chief Piggum! (everybody laughs) Oh ah, now I get it! Haha, that's good!

The Simpsons Quotes

Dearest Edna, I must leave you. Why, I cannot say. Where, you cannot know. How I will get there, I haven't decided yet. But one thing I can tell you, any time I hear the wind blow it will whisper the name Edna. And so let us part with a love that will echo through the ages. ---Woodrow

"Woodrow"

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!