Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family

Kids these days get trophies just for showing up. What's that gonna lead to? A bunch of thirty year olds living at home.

Gloria: I said I was sorry! But I've had them since I was two. Huge ones!
Phil: What is she...?
Claire: Earrings, Phil. Earrings.

Please don't let me screw up our son!

Wait! There's the esteem-building parent right there. Wait! I think I hear future Lily sending us a message from her stripper pole. Thanks gay-dad dads; this dance is for you!

Cameron

Phil: You're just a worrier, like when you thought he was never gonna talk.
Claire: He was two, and all he could do was bark.
Phil: I understood him.

Luke: One time, she gave me a Woody.
Claire: Sweet J...
Luke: She remembered he's my favorite character from Toy Story.

Mitchell: Did we come at a bad time?
Claire: Come back in five years and seven months when they're all gone!

Claire: Phil, the frying pan is on fire!
Phil: Son of Jor-El! Everybody stay calm!

Sweetie we did it! Our baby is average!

Haley: What are my friends at school going to think?
Claire: They'll think you're helping your father put food on the table.

If Hannibal Lecter and Freddy Krueger had a lovechild, he would be afraid of our next-door neighbor.

Claire: Little kids can be friends with old people, right?
Phil: Of course they can, there's tons of examples: Up, Gran Torino, True Grit..."
Claire: Cartoon, kills himself, she loses an arm. We've gotta go talk to that guy."

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 168 in total
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