Phil: All over YouTube.
Claire: It went viral.
Phil: Some sicko auto-tunned me.

Luke: You yelled at my teacher for calling me special.
Claire: Hunnie that wasn't a compliment.

The way we compete with each other is sick! Two 13-year-olds knew how to take advantage of us.

Claire: I assure you, you are fine.
Phil: That's very comforting coming from a marketing major at a party school.

Honey don't you think it's weird that one of your friends is an 80-year-old man?

Claire: Oh thank God, here comes Phil and the butterball.
Manny: Hey, I have a name!!

Listen to me, your whole life has led to this moment. All the training, the hours of dedication, there's not a soul alive that can touch you when it comes to shopping and baby you know it. Look at me, be you!

Phil: If I had a son I'd want him to be like Kenneth.
Claire: You do have a son.

Mitchell is turning Gloria into mom.

Haley: Did my 3rd grade teacher say I have ADD or something.
Claire: No honey she said you couldn't A-D-D because she also knew you couldn't S-P-E-L-L.

I just wanted to spend my night with some fun gay people. It's not my fault this one decided to be straight!

I want music and dancing and secondhand smoke!

Modern Family Quotes

Cam [giving Lily dating advice]: Definitely compliment his outfit, laugh at his jokes...
Lily: What if they aren't funny?
Cam: Oh honey, the cute ones rarely are. God doesn't give with both hands.

Cam: Why do you have to throw a wet blanket on my dreams?
Mitchell: I do not.
Cam: You do it all the time and you know what I end up with? Wet Dreams. I heard it as soon as I said it; just leave it alone.