I live with 4 teenagers, you live with 2 adults.

Sometimes I worry nobody's going to like Alex.

I know it's stupid, but it's nice to know that sometimes you'll fight for me and all I have to do is laugh at some other guy's story.

Phil: All over YouTube.
Claire: It went viral.
Phil: Some sicko auto-tunned me.

Luke: You yelled at my teacher for calling me special.
Claire: Hunnie that wasn't a compliment.

The way we compete with each other is sick! Two 13-year-olds knew how to take advantage of us.

Claire: I assure you, you are fine.
Phil: That's very comforting coming from a marketing major at a party school.

Honey don't you think it's weird that one of your friends is an 80-year-old man?

Claire: Oh thank God, here comes Phil and the butterball.
Manny: Hey, I have a name!!

Listen to me, your whole life has led to this moment. All the training, the hours of dedication, there's not a soul alive that can touch you when it comes to shopping and baby you know it. Look at me, be you!

Phil: If I had a son I'd want him to be like Kenneth.
Claire: You do have a son.

Mitchell is turning Gloria into mom.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

[Singing] You are not the man you used to be. You get up four times at night to pee. Ba da dum da dum tat ta ta ta. You're super duper old now.

Phil