Okay I want everyone to eat at home because the happiest place on earth is also home to the most expensive churro on earth.

Claire: I did cartwheels.
Phil: Without me?

Phil do we have to go through this again? I told you that I would do everything possibly to make sure that your skeleton ends up in a science class at a women's college.

Phil: I'm just excited. After today you're going to be a councilwoman and I'm going to be a first husband.
Claire: If you don't stop filming, you're going to be MY first husband.

Claire: Hey how come you guys haven't accepted my friend requests?
Haley: I didn't know you were on Facebook.
Alex: Yeah you said it was only for teenagers or people who wanted to have affairs.

Doesn't he know that tiptoeing around someone like they're crazy, actually makes them crazy?

I can be spontaneous every 4 years.

I live with 4 teenagers, you live with 2 adults.

Sometimes I worry nobody's going to like Alex.

I know it's stupid, but it's nice to know that sometimes you'll fight for me and all I have to do is laugh at some other guy's story.

Phil: All over YouTube.
Claire: It went viral.
Phil: Some sicko auto-tunned me.

Luke: You yelled at my teacher for calling me special.
Claire: Hunnie that wasn't a compliment.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


That's the funny thing about marriage, you fall in love with this extraordinary person and over time they begin to seem ordinary. I think it's all the nagging.