I'm just 90% sure he's 100% gay.

Claire: Why are we hugging?
Cam: Because I know if he called you for help, heard as many insults as I know he had to hear, then he had a worse day than me.

Dad your hot wife, who was learning to walk when you were 30 years old, is pregnant with the baby you conceived doing something most men would kill to do.

Claire: It's shaving time, shavy gravy, Shaved by the Bell!
Alex: Why are you talking like dad?

Haley going to college in a miracle, Lily going to kindergarten is the law.

Gloria: I'm pregnant.
Claire: You're gonna get so fat!

Sure I had a little peppermint schnapps at my prom but I kicked my boyfriend out before my parents woke up. It's called respect.

Claire: You look adorable!
Alex: Adorable? I'm not a puppy.

Claire: I say no everyday in this house.
Phil: But at night she's a yes machine.
Claire: No.

Your rebel boyfriend is a Dapper Dan!

If she's going to leave the nest, we'd prefer it's not on the back of a motorcycle.

Okay I want everyone to eat at home because the happiest place on earth is also home to the most expensive churro on earth.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.