If she wants to get her heart broken by a gay guy, she can do so when she's 18 or 19 and can drink her way through it.

I'm just 90% sure he's 100% gay.

Claire: Why are we hugging?
Cam: Because I know if he called you for help, heard as many insults as I know he had to hear, then he had a worse day than me.

Dad your hot wife, who was learning to walk when you were 30 years old, is pregnant with the baby you conceived doing something most men would kill to do.

Claire: It's shaving time, shavy gravy, Shaved by the Bell!
Alex: Why are you talking like dad?

Haley going to college in a miracle, Lily going to kindergarten is the law.

Gloria: I'm pregnant.
Claire: You're gonna get so fat!

Sure I had a little peppermint schnapps at my prom but I kicked my boyfriend out before my parents woke up. It's called respect.

Claire: You look adorable!
Alex: Adorable? I'm not a puppy.

Claire: I say no everyday in this house.
Phil: But at night she's a yes machine.
Claire: No.

Your rebel boyfriend is a Dapper Dan!

If she's going to leave the nest, we'd prefer it's not on the back of a motorcycle.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Jay: Flag on the play.
Manny: What does that mean?!?