I don't know whether or not to be angry or impressed.

Phil: You know how you can treasure special moments in your past that in no way diminish special moments in your present?
Claire: Yes sweetheart it's called having a memory.

Claire: I'm sorry but you know how i am about heights.
Gloria: Is that why you never wear high heels?

Vegas you have a gambling problem and her name is Claire.

I am my father's daughter, and sorta his son.

Gloria: This is fun for me. You're my stepdaughter.
Claire: I'm older than you.

Now there are pushy obnoxious moms, who try and get involved, nudge them towards one another...we mean well.

Do you see anything suspicious? Like smoke, or paraphernalia, or nachos?

Haley: That's the old salvage yard where kids go to get high.
Claire: What? We are going there right now!
Phil: Wait, wait are you sure?
Haley: I'm gonna answer and then I'm gonna walk away, deal? I'm 420% sure.
Phil: Wow, she's bad at math.

Is this what you’re gonna do with your life? Sleep late and take a selfie?

Wow so intense. I had no idea the kind of pressure you were under. Hunnie, I was just you for two hours, I could barely hold it together. I don’t know how you don’t have a meltdown everyday.

Driving with Alex is torture. She drives so slowly, I have to be the only parent who slams on the imaginary gas.

Modern Family Quotes

That's why we chose our secret warrior signal. My first suggestion was to blow a Viking horn. Don't google that, by the way.

Phil

90 percent of being a dad is just showing up

Jay