Phil: Remember before we had kids and could just lie in bed all Saturday?
Claire: That's how we got them.
Phil: Why did I have to be so sexy?

Hunnie when I met you, you were a wedding DJ. By the way Spinderfella, looks like you still need to hit the grocery store.

Phil: Little heads up, there's no way I'm not crying at this wedding.
Claire: Phil you cried on the way here.

Claire: Do you remember when summer meant fireflies, cut off shorts, and ice cream trucks?
Phil: Well we got one out of three!

10 days on the road with those kids? Winnebag-no.

Maybe I bring out the worst in them when there's no fun loving Phil around to neutralize my toxins.

The way he looked at me, it was like I wore a tube top in church.

Claire: You have dumb ideas.
Phil: Name one...that went on for awhile.

Claire: Alex what have I told you about staying out past your curfew?
Alex: I need to do it more often.

Yesterday I accidentally said eleventy five.

All of that explaining is going out and the alcohol is not going in.

I wanted to tell Haley the dangers of starting a family too early but what could I say that couldn't have been said better by a screaming baby?

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Claire: My mom started drinking these cocktails called "horny Colombians" with some of Gloria's uncles, whom apparently the drink was named after
Phil: Oh come, they were funny
Claire: They kept grabbing my butt
Phil: Somebody is full of herself. It's a Colombian wedding tradition.. they said