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Modern-family

Maybe I bring out the worst in them when there's no fun loving Phil around to neutralize my toxins.

The way he looked at me, it was like I wore a tube top in church.

Claire: You have dumb ideas.
Phil: Name one...that went on for awhile.

Claire: Alex what have I told you about staying out past your curfew?
Alex: I need to do it more often.

Yesterday I accidentally said eleventy five.

All of that explaining is going out and the alcohol is not going in.

I wanted to tell Haley the dangers of starting a family too early but what could I say that couldn't have been said better by a screaming baby?

Haley: Dad tried to fix all our problems and instead ruined all our lives.
Alex: Nightmare.
Claire: You girls are so dramatic. Do I need to call you a wambulance?

Claire: You have an in law who no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you can't win over.
Jay: What about it?
Claire: Oh that doesn't sound familiar?
Jay:You're not saying.
Claire: Mmhmm, yeah I am.
Jay: Son of a bitch, I'm Phil!

Claire: Wow pretty cozy with the new housekeeper huh?
Gloria: She's my sister.
Claire: Wow pretty weird with your sister!

Phil: Is there some kind of dress code for Godparents?
Claire: You're not wearing a fedora Phil.

What middle-aged guy would be interested in a young, attractive, newly legal woman? Oh that's right, all of them!

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 160 in total
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