Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Do you see anything suspicious? Like smoke, or paraphernalia, or nachos?

Haley: That's the old salvage yard where kids go to get high.
Claire: What? We are going there right now!
Phil: Wait, wait are you sure?
Haley: I'm gonna answer and then I'm gonna walk away, deal? I'm 420% sure.
Phil: Wow, she's bad at math.

Is this what you’re gonna do with your life? Sleep late and take a selfie?

Wow so intense. I had no idea the kind of pressure you were under. Hunnie, I was just you for two hours, I could barely hold it together. I don’t know how you don’t have a meltdown everyday.

Driving with Alex is torture. She drives so slowly, I have to be the only parent who slams on the imaginary gas.

Claire: So I finally get out of the closet and there’s dad looking down on me.
Mitchell: Been there.

I was kind of the star of the evening. I got a huge laugh when I coined the phrase “shelf esteem.” Huh? Yeah? Okay, I’ll text it to Phil.

Have you seen the way he looks at her? The same way he used to look at Halloween candy.

Did you see that? When has your dad ever not wanted to pull Luke's finger. He's hurting.

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