Claire: You've never stolen anything before?
Phil: Only my entire high school production of The Wiz.

Phil: Happy Valentine's Day by the way.
Claire: Ew no, I'm gross and sweaty from running.

Claire: What party?
Mitchell: Aw the two saddest words in the English language.

Oh c'mon please, my dad is Ms. Dunphy, I'm just Claire!

Claire: Well hello! How is your first day back in the closet...business?
Mitchell: That makes no sense, I've never worked here before.
Claire: It's just a gay joke Mitchell. Don't over-think it.

Haley [smells pot]: Hey! Smells like a party!
Claire: Back inside.
Haley: Ok.

I know you think you discovered the new you, but you're controlling even when you're trying to not be controlling.

Mitchell [to Claire]

Claire: We are having fun.
Mitchell: You are. I'm just doing what you're making me do.

Claire: Don't you need to check IDs?
Bouncer: No sorry, we don't offer a senior discount.

Sweetheart you've had 2 boyfriends in 30 seconds, that's practically Haley's record!

Claire: Who's Victor? We never heard about him.
Haley: Oh because I knew you'd never let me go out with an ex con.

Phil: Sometimes a boy might be a good distraction. I remember a certain young lady who was pretty addicted to Miss Pacman until a dashing young gent caught her eye.
Claire: Only because you were wearing a feather earring.
Phil: It wasn't a feather, it was a dreamcatcher. And it worked.

Modern Family Quotes

That's why we chose our secret warrior signal. My first suggestion was to blow a Viking horn. Don't google that, by the way.

Phil

Margaret is very vulnerable! I've had to rescue her a bunch of times from cults and an Amway pyramid.

Jay