Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Haley: Hey mom?
Claire: Yeah?
Haley: Can I have forty dollars for lunch?
Claire: Forty dollars?
Haley: I also need a book for school.
Claire: A book?
Haley: I want a dress.
Claire: Do you have any idea what a bad liar you are?
Alex: I'd be more worried that she couldn't come up with a single book title

Phil: Well, there's book smart and then there's street smart.
Claire: Yeah, and then there's Luke.
Phil: Oh, he's just, he's just curious, that's all. He's got this, almost, scientific mind with a thirst for knowledge. He's like this little Einstein. Some people ask "Why?" Luke asks, "Why not?"
Claire: I ask why a lot

Phil [on the phone with Claire]: Hey honey, what's up?
Claire: Uh, the school just called. Luke got in a fight.
Phil: Oh, jeez, is he okay?
Claire: Yeah, he's fine, but they want us to come down there. Where are you?
Phil: I'm showing a house.
Claire: What house?
Phil: I'm golfing

Phil: It's nice to see you Gloria. [Hugs Gloria]
Gloria: Two times today.
Phil: Okay. [Goes in for another hug]
Claire: Uh, Phil, she means we've seen them two times today

If I say something that everybody else is thinking, does that make me a mean person? Or, does it make me a brave person, one who is courageous enough to stand up and say something, behind someone's back to a ten-year-old?

Dede: That's very revealing
Claire: That's my parenting style
Dede: No, I meant your blouse

Dede: Why so long?
Claire: I know it's weird when it's been a long time since we talked
Dede: I meant your hair

You know how growing up we all have that voice inside our head that tells us we're not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school

Phil: I think what your mother is worried about is you getting your heart broken when Dylan goes off to college next year
Claire [same time]: That's not what I'm worried about...
Haley [same time]: Dylan's not going to college
Claire: He's not going to college?
Haley: He's in a band, they're going on tour
Claire: Oh this keeps getting better and better

Claire: My mom started drinking these cocktails called "horny Colombians" with some of Gloria's uncles, whom apparently the drink was named after
Phil: Oh come, they were funny
Claire: They kept grabbing my butt
Phil: Somebody is full of herself. It's a Colombian wedding tradition.. they said

Claire: Oh, go figure. A teenage boy doesn't want to hang out with his girlfriend's dad.
Phil: I thought we were past all that. I'm all about taking it to the next level.
Claire: Really? I thought you were all about keeping it real.
Phil: Yes, but the whole point of keeping it real is so you can take it to the next level. Did you really not know that?

Phil: Kids, get down here!
Haley: Why are you guys yelling at us? We were way upstairs, just text me.
Claire: Alright, that's not going to happen and...wow, you're not wearing that outfit.
Haley: What's wrong with it?
Claire [to Phil]: Honey, do you have anything to say to your daughter about her skirt?
Phil: Sorry. Oh yeah, it looks really cute sweetheart.
Haley: Thanks.
Claire [to Haley]: No, it's way too short. People know you're a girl; you don't need to prove it to them

Displaying quotes 157 - 168 of 170 in total

Modern Family Quotes

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Luke

Cam: I'm playing a drinking game. It's called everytime I feel depressed about something, I take a drink.
Mitchell: That's already a game. It's called alcoholism.

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