I have 3 kids, I've been tired since 2005.

I take my eye off the ball for one minute and I've got one kid in a coma, one with a black eye, and one running a crime ring.

Turns out I've had my super-Dunphy all along.

Phil I think those are jazz shoes.

Claire: None of you believe me so I got proof. You should all be sucking it right now!
Gloria: Claire, please, enough with the sucking it! They're children!

Phil: Guess it's just one of those things that we'll never know, like what really happened to the Titanic.
Claire: It hit an iceberg.
Phil: Maybe.

Sweetheart I would love to be wrong, but I don't live with the right people for that.

Claire: Could you grab an extra virgin-
Phil: I think one's enough for the sacrifice.

Phil: Hey momma bear, you okay?
Claire: Not with momma bear I'm not.

Claire: Luke, honey, come back I said I was sorry.
Luke: I'm 12, I need limits.

What, are you going to the ball Cinderella? Live a little.

Kids these days get trophies just for showing up. What's that gonna lead to? A bunch of thirty year olds living at home.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You can't have two fun parents... You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a hundred-dollar bill? Two fun parents.

Claire