Captain Awesome Quotes
Awesome (to Ellie's stomach): This is one of daddy's favorite jams for tri-blasting.
Ellie: Devon, do you know you haven't addressed me in over an hour?
And you can blame CIA for my bachelor party. Stripper? She was an agent. Told you I didn't cheat. Faithful.
Sarah [referring to Devon packing weight for Africa]: Devon, what are these?
Awesome: Babe, this didn't happen by accident.
Awesome: Morgan, why don't you let me handle it. No offense, I've had my fair share of ladies.
Morgan: It's cause you live in a bubble. Take a look at your self. Go ahead. It's a freakish bubble of handsomeness. Now look at me, no bubble. I have to be completely verbal.
What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here! I just reclaimed my awesomeness.
(Chuck's cellphone rings)
Ellie: Chuck. That's Sarah. Don't you want to answer it?
Chuck: Oh, you know, I'm gonna see her later anyway, so.
Awesome: Yeah. Sometimes you got to play hard to get. Cold and detached is a very powerful aphrodisiac, babe.
Ellie: So is abstinence. You want to try it?
Awesome: Not getting involved.
Chuck: Hey, morning. Aren't we missing a house guest?
Awesome: (to Ellie) Honey, Honey. It'll be okay. (To Chuck) Your boy dropped trou last night.
Chuck: Excuse me?
Awesome: The bearded buffoon sleeps au naturel. Which I respect. Just not on my couch.
Chuck: Appetite gone. I am so, so, sorry.
Awesome: Permission to speak freely?
Morgan: There are no secrets between us.
Awesome: Would you agree that you have no credit, no life plan, no apartment, no car, no adult responsibilities at all?
Morgan: On rare occasions I do my own laundry.
Awesome: (to Morgan) You have exactly one day to get my money back to me or I pluck you from head to toe.
Anna: Start with the groin. He won't be using that region for a while.
Captain Awesome: Okay, so how did everyone come with their chest compression?
(Captain Awesome walks into the room and sees Buy More employees beating up their aquatic dolls.)
Captain Awesome: Come on guys, what's wrong with you?
Jeff: I drink too much.
Lester: My parents had impossible standards.
Awesome: Geeze, this guy's heavy.
Chuck: Well bad guys don't count carbs, buddy.
Awesome: You're incredible, is that your spy training?
Chuck: Duck Hunt, Nintendo.
