You don't know terror until you have to stare down the eyes of a Missouri state trooper and talk your way out of a PUI.

I've been fired, everyone has.

Gloria: Is that a leash?
Cam: It's a child safety tether.

Cam: Do you have a better idea, you're the one who lost it!
Mitchell: No, you tossed it. You tossed it, lost it.

As an actual tough guy you could see how that would rub my dad the wrong way.

Mitchell: I know how important winning is to Claire.
Cam: And I love to festoon things.

Mitchell: Oh my God, there's Sandy.
Cam: Sandra Bullock?
Mitchell: Yeah we're such good friends, I just call her Sandy.

We were great together, we spoke each other's language, we finished each other's balloon animals.

It's hard to have a relationship and a clown career. That's the reason there are so many single clowns.

Do you think it would be offensive to ask my daughter to walk on my back?

Cam: I'm playing a drinking game. It's called everytime I feel depressed about something, I take a drink.
Mitchell: That's already a game. It's called alcoholism.

Cam: I'm sorry but you know I have two weakness: children cursing and old people rapping!

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.