Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Why don't you call my dad and talk about what a teet-sucking layabout I am?

Is this kindergarten or the Hunger Games?

If you ever put your hands on my daughter again, I will string you up by your feet, run you up the flagpole and let the birds peck out your eyes.

Mitchell: I think I'm laying on a rock.
Cam: I'm laying next to mine.

There are coyotes out here, and meth addicts!

Oh I'm sorry are my pinkies up? They do that when I get excited. Down girls.

It's better to carry a tune than a grudge.

You don't know terror until you have to stare down the eyes of a Missouri state trooper and talk your way out of a PUI.

I've been fired, everyone has.

Displaying quotes 64 - 72 of 200 in total