Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Do you think it would be offensive to ask my daughter to walk on my back?

Cam: I'm playing a drinking game. It's called everytime I feel depressed about something, I take a drink.
Mitchell: That's already a game. It's called alcoholism.

Cam: I'm sorry but you know I have two weakness: children cursing and old people rapping!

More like Little Bo Cheap.

Cam: It's kind of like a first date.
Mitchell: Actually it's the opposite of the first date. You don't want to have sex, but you do want a baby.

Cam: Why so much tape Jay?
Jay: Why are you wearing a sweater when it's 95 degrees out?
Cam: It's my Christmas sweater!
Jay: Based on those stains, you are the Christmas sweater.

Cam and Jay, kind of sounds like a bird.

Do you know what's illegal in Europe? Nothing! You're going to college!

Claire [to Haley]

All this from someone who never chunked a Punkin!

I sleep clown.

It's a somber occasion and all of my tops are too joyful.

Cameron: How would she know I'm gay?
Mitchell: Maybe by the way you ordered a drink a doodle do.

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 205 in total
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