Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Nobody's gonna see my bod in this bulky bull costume

Claire: Why are we hugging?
Cam: Because I know if he called you for help, heard as many insults as I know he had to hear, then he had a worse day than me.

Why don't you call my dad and talk about what a teet-sucking layabout I am?

Is this kindergarten or the Hunger Games?

If you ever put your hands on my daughter again, I will string you up by your feet, run you up the flagpole and let the birds peck out your eyes.

Mitchell: I think I'm laying on a rock.
Cam: I'm laying next to mine.

There are coyotes out here, and meth addicts!

Oh I'm sorry are my pinkies up? They do that when I get excited. Down girls.

It's better to carry a tune than a grudge.

You don't know terror until you have to stare down the eyes of a Missouri state trooper and talk your way out of a PUI.

I've been fired, everyone has.

Gloria: Is that a leash?
Cam: It's a child safety tether.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 211 in total

Modern Family Quotes

What could be more natural than your mother’s tongue in your ear?

Gloria

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Luke