Aww time to heal more, that's so sweet and sensitive. Why did you kill that part of yourself?

Cam [to Mitchell]

Cam: Well obviously the tooth fairy made a mistake.
Mitchell: Maybe it's cause the tooth fairy had a little too much chardonnay last night.

Phil: She's like the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
Cam: With cuter hair.

You know what? You just caused a scene in a restaurant and you can't get anymore like your daddies than that.

Cam [to Lily]

Cam: I knew when I was 5.
Mitchell: Everyone knew when you were 5.

I call my method the Trojan horse.

Well you might as well be a dead hobo in the woods of a small town after a rainstorm because you have just been discovered.

What kind of monster throws an injured innocent on the street?

Maybe we can pump Marcus full of whatever we gave those bike riders.

We're not bad parents, Claire is!

Cam [to Mitchell]

Because we refused to abuse we got banned from the party of the century?

Please to not turn me marrying my daughter into something ugly.

Modern Family Quotes

That's why we chose our secret warrior signal. My first suggestion was to blow a Viking horn. Don't google that, by the way.

Phil

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay