Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

What did I tell you, that place is like a gay bar with dumbbells.

Gloria: The baby kicked me all night. It's either going to be a football player or a chorus girl.
Cam: You can be both. My senior year I was a right side linebacker and a left side cancan dancer in Gigi.

Phone! I bet that's Mama, I was just dreaming it was raining chickens.

Alex: I know what you think about Michael, mom. You didn't have to bring your big gay guns in to back you up. No offense.
Mitchell: None taken.
Cam: I kinda like it.

Cam: When I was young and straight, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rock star. I'm not proud of it.
Mitchell: You're kinda proud of it, you work it into a lot of conversations.

We agreed to tell Lily the about her mother together wearing calming earth tones and we agreed to tell her the truth!

I'm tired of people not noticing the new physique. If this doesn't work I'm breaking out the diaper and top hat and going as baby New Year.

Nobody's gonna see my bod in this bulky bull costume

Claire: Why are we hugging?
Cam: Because I know if he called you for help, heard as many insults as I know he had to hear, then he had a worse day than me.

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