Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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I'm like a mother bear. When I hear my cub crying, I have to run to her.

If I was home right now, I'd be mixing up a bathtub full of eggnog and trying to squeeze a greased hog into a Santa hat. You don't think I don't miss that?

Cameron: It's Christmas eve, you can't spend it in your car.
Santa Scott: That's really nice of you guys. Can I bring anything? Ketchup, soy sauce, straws?
Cameron: We're good.
Mitchell: So why don't you follow us to our house?
Cameron: In your house.

Cameron: Do you really live in your car?
Santa Scott: It's not so bad. It's really roomy since the wife moved out.

You know people are going to stare, they're not used to seeing one clown in a car.

Cameron: If I wasn't in school or fishing, I was clowning. There are four types of clowns: a tramp, Auguste, a whiteface, and a character. I am a classically trained Auguste clown named Fizbo.
Mitchell: Between the clowning and the fishing, I'm surprised you had time for the schooling. Aww, there's the fifth type, the sad clown.
Cameron: A sad clown is a tramp.. so there's still only four types.

I'm the ass kicking clown that will twist you like a balloon animal!

Phil: Luke's not much of a clown fan.
Cameron: Has he ever seen a good one?
Phil: Has anyone?

Mitchell: She's always had a dark sense of humor
Cameron: Do you remember when she went as Sigfried and part of Roy for Halloween?
Mitchell: Too soon

Mitchell: Just the emerald city at the end of my yellow brick road
Cameron: Wow you did it
Mitchell: What?
Cameron: You made figure skating sound even gayer.

Mitchell: You always take this a little too far. Your nephew's first birthday.
Cameron: That's not fair.
Mitchell: You brought a wind machine.
Cameron: Who puts wheels on cribs?

Cameron [in a high-pitched voice]: I swear to God Im gonna break it!
Jay: Do not break the window, you're gonna get glass on her
Woman [on the phone]: Sir, please tell your wife to calm down, everything's gonna be okay.
Jay: That's a man
Woman: Really?

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