Cameron: It would be like Lewis telling Clark that he didn't like to walk. Sidenote: We're very good friends with a couple named Lewis and Clark. Clark bought a big sparkly belt in New Orleans that he calls his Louisiana Purchase.

He was a very nice man when we met him, but based on his recent letters I have a small fear he's become a war lord.

I have an uncle that can only wear bell-bottoms. Hand to God.

Cam: People always say I scream Hawaii.
Mitchell: Who says that?
Cam: People...
Mitchell: What people?
Cam: ...You don't know them.

This is a coup. When you get in with Jasper, doors open. He's a legacy at Happy Time Preschool.

Cameron: Did you hear that woman screaming my name?
Mitchell: That was Phil. He had a Red Bull.

Dylan: I don't think we'd like the same music.
Cam: Because I'm gay and only like show tunes?
Dylan: Because you're old.
Cam: Well, that hurt more, Dylan.

Mitchell's new boss: Do you guys surf?
Cameron: Only for bargains on the Web!

Business partners, mergers and acquisitions. Just kidding, we're gay!

I can't pressure Mitchell. But I really, really, really just want him to get a job so I can go back to being a stay-at-home dad/trophy wife.

You're so cute when you're angry with you're little fists. I just want to put you in my pocket.

Oh man, if a spider would have broken in here, he would have been in trouble.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

His turn offs are farms, Fizbo, and worst of all Farmbo.

Claire [about Mitchell]