Well, my white-man name is Tucker. I am 1/16 Cherokee. Ready for child to soar like eagle.

Disabled inter-racial lesbians? With an African-American kicker? I did not see that coming.

Mitchell: She wants us to buy Lily a Blackberry.
Cam: She doesn't have the dexterity for that!

Cam: I hate your beard.
Mitchell: Wow, you had that bullet in the chamber.

After the earthquake, it might be nice to be around similarly dressed people.

Pepper: I feel like a joke.
Cam: You're not a joke. You're Pepper Salzman!

It was the nineties, we'd just lost Princess Di. I was at sea.

Cam [on dating Pepper]

Mitchell: Nobody kisses at a bowling alley!
Cam: I almost got a turkey!

Cameron: I remember once at a New Year's Eve party, stroke of midnight, he high-fived me. Two problems with that: One, gays don't high five. Two, gays don't high five.

Mitchell: Aren't you going to change into a working man's outfit?
Cameron: I don't think workmen really call them outfits.

If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.

If I have to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar one more time, I will snap!

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You're the last person who should give me anything. You got me here. You got me to graduation, to Cal tech. You did it. You're done.

Alex