Cam: Why so much tape Jay?
Jay: Why are you wearing a sweater when it's 95 degrees out?
Cam: It's my Christmas sweater!
Jay: Based on those stains, you are the Christmas sweater.

Cam and Jay, kind of sounds like a bird.

Do you know what's illegal in Europe? Nothing! You're going to college!

Claire [to Haley]

All this from someone who never chunked a Punkin!

I sleep clown.

It's a somber occasion and all of my tops are too joyful.

Cameron: How would she know I'm gay?
Mitchell: Maybe by the way you ordered a drink a doodle do.

You're going to find somebody because you're an amazing girl Katie, you're the whole package, I just prefer someone who has one.

Cameron: Wham Bam thank you Cam.
Mitchell: Seriously you got her number.
Cameron: Sure did and all my shirts should be ironed and the seams should appear straight, just like their owner.

If she were I would never have been that smooth. It's ironic, like "The Gift of the Vagi."

He wasn't armed, he had a Hillary bumper sticker.

Mitchell you are not going to believe this. I'm out with Gloria looking for her dog and I'm wearing an undershirt and I'm screaming STELLA just like in "Street Car"!

Modern Family Quotes

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

That's why we chose our secret warrior signal. My first suggestion was to blow a Viking horn. Don't google that, by the way.

Phil