If she were I would never have been that smooth. It's ironic, like "The Gift of the Vagi."

He wasn't armed, he had a Hillary bumper sticker.

Mitchell you are not going to believe this. I'm out with Gloria looking for her dog and I'm wearing an undershirt and I'm screaming STELLA just like in "Street Car"!

Cam: Sweetie what's your name?
Girl: Blanche.
Cam: Shut up really? Mitchell would die.

When I get home I'm gonna scrub this place like it's a crime scene, which it is because you murdered joy.

Get away from me temptress! And I never thought I'd call you that in a negative way.

Cam [to Mitchell]

She looks like she was dipped in glue and dragged through a flea market.

Cam [about Lily]

Lily: I push the buttons Daddy!
Cam [in tears]: You sure do!

Cam: You hate her sparkly outfit, don't you?
Mitchell: No I told you it was fine, I just didn't like you wearing a matching one.

Well, you're pretending to be something you're not, and boys do that for girls or really dreamy boys.

He'll be here all week folks. Literally, because you're not coming home with me.

Mitchell: You do love pink.
Cam: No, pink loves me.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Luke