It's a somber occasion and all of my tops are too joyful.

Cameron: How would she know I'm gay?
Mitchell: Maybe by the way you ordered a drink a doodle do.

You're going to find somebody because you're an amazing girl Katie, you're the whole package, I just prefer someone who has one.

Cameron: Wham Bam thank you Cam.
Mitchell: Seriously you got her number.
Cameron: Sure did and all my shirts should be ironed and the seams should appear straight, just like their owner.

If she were I would never have been that smooth. It's ironic, like "The Gift of the Vagi."

He wasn't armed, he had a Hillary bumper sticker.

Mitchell you are not going to believe this. I'm out with Gloria looking for her dog and I'm wearing an undershirt and I'm screaming STELLA just like in "Street Car"!

Cam: Sweetie what's your name?
Girl: Blanche.
Cam: Shut up really? Mitchell would die.

When I get home I'm gonna scrub this place like it's a crime scene, which it is because you murdered joy.

Get away from me temptress! And I never thought I'd call you that in a negative way.

Cam [to Mitchell]

She looks like she was dipped in glue and dragged through a flea market.

Cam [about Lily]

Lily: I push the buttons Daddy!
Cam [in tears]: You sure do!