Guys, if we don't figure out a way get out of here soon, we're never gonna make it to the escape room.

Phil

Tarnation! Here comes your kin! Git! Git!

Mitch: It is a lot less money though.
Cam: Well, you know, we don't have to decide today.

You'll get a donut when I get answers, you piece of trash.

Lilly: Are you gonna be this cool when I like a boy?
Mitch: No
Cam: No, not a chance.

Oops, I dropped the, uh, I wanna say egg chute, but I know it's probably something more Latin-y.

The molten chocolate cake looks slutty and delicious. Would it kill you to say that about me?

Let's face it, like Drew Barrymore, I am an adorable fire starter.

Cam: The doctor says absolutely no sun while I'm on these antibiotics.
Mitchell: What would happen? Because if it's anything short of death, I think you should risk it.

Mitchell: The family has been mocking us relentlessly all year.
Cam: Nicknames like Screeches and Herb, Simon and God-awful, Nickelback.

Cam: Well, technically this is your fault because we were afraid our marriage was getting as boring as yours.
Mitchell: Though based on your outfit, we need to work a little harder.

Mitchell: How about a show to go with it?
Cam: Mitchell?
Mitchell: Who's Mitchell? I'm Magic Mitch. Welder by day, stripper by choice.

Modern Family Quotes

That's why we chose our secret warrior signal. My first suggestion was to blow a Viking horn. Don't google that, by the way.

Phil

90 percent of being a dad is just showing up

Jay