[to Marley] I noticed that whenever you look at Jake, you get a really sad look on your face, and if it's quiet enough, I can actually hear that you're whimpering like a suckling puppy.
Beiste: Dr. Jones said the new end of world date is September 27, 2014
Brittany: That gives us like two whole years of giving love and brutal honesty to everyone we know.
Sam: Brittany, it's December 22. Do you know what this means? We survived the Mayan Apocalypse.
Brittany: We're also married.
Sam: Brittany, I've always thought you were super hot and really smart, but what I didn't know was that you were going to end up being my soul mate. Who knows what the future holds for us. Probably tsunamis and horrible sea monsters. But I'm not worried about that because I have you.
Brittany: Sam, when you first joined the glee club, I didn't notice for a while. It wasn't until you did a Rich Little impression and then told me it was a Rich Little impression and then explained who Rich Little was that I knew you were special. And I can't tell you how excited I am to become your Mayan star-wife.
Brittany: You guys, welcome to the first meeting of the 2012 Mayan Apocalypse club.
Tina: Wait, that's what this is?
Sam: Don't worry, it's also the last meeting.
[to Rachel] Remember what I said when we first met. You're here because you're the best of the best.Brody
Brittany: The truth is, is that, ever since Santana left, you're the only person who makes me smile.
Sam: I am pretty non-stop hilarious.
Brittany: You make me happy, Sam. And I don't want to waste any more time not smiling at your hilariousness.
Sam: What about the lesbian blogger community?
Brittany: They're not gonna like it, but the way I figure is that, they know they're my sisters, and love is love.
Brittany: Can I ask you a question?
Sam: Oh, The Walking Dead isn't based on a true story. I already checked.
Brittany: That's not what I was going to ask, but, oh.
Brittany: I can't.
Sam: Is it my lips?
Brittany: No. Your lips are so soft and horizontal. I just like you too much to put you in danger.
Sam: Santana broke up with you.
Brittany: No, it's not just Santana. It's like, all the lesbians of the nation, and I don't know how they found out about Santana and I dating, but once they did, they started sending me, like, tweets and Facebook messages on Lord Tubbington's wall. I think it means a lot to them to see two super hot, popular girls in love, and I worry if they find out about you and I dating that they'll turn on you and get really violent and hurt your beautiful face and mouth.
Sam: I'm totally into you. You're, uh, the only person that really understands me.
Brittany: It's cause you're a genius. And most people don't understand geniuses. Like most people didn't appreciate Einstein or the Spice Girls until it was too late.
Brittany: Did you lay out the line of cereal for me?
Sam: Well, it's Tuesday, and I know how you forget to eat breakfast on Tuesday because the first few days of the week tend to confuse you.
Brittany: Along with being beautiful, the three of us are National Show Choir Championship goddesses.
Santana: We are winners which is why Finn has asked us to come and shower you with the inspiration that is the unholy trinity.