Sam, despite your outlandishly low test scores, you're a genius.

I'm really surprised that Jesus Christ Superstar has chosen to end the world this way instead of the way he killed off the dinosaurs which was a global yeast infection.

Please be songs about sweaters.

[to Santana] I think you need to be somewhere that's as big and as hot as you are. It's okay to follow your dreams.

[to Santana] I'm not breaking up with Sam. I really like him. He makes me feel really smart and think about things, like where air comes from, and how come in every movie about Jesus he dies at the end.

[to Marley] I noticed that whenever you look at Jake, you get a really sad look on your face, and if it's quiet enough, I can actually hear that you're whimpering like a suckling puppy.

Beiste: Dr. Jones said the new end of world date is September 27, 2014
Brittany: That gives us like two whole years of giving love and brutal honesty to everyone we know.

Sam: Brittany, it's December 22. Do you know what this means? We survived the Mayan Apocalypse.
Brittany: We're also married.

Sam: Brittany, I've always thought you were super hot and really smart, but what I didn't know was that you were going to end up being my soul mate. Who knows what the future holds for us. Probably tsunamis and horrible sea monsters. But I'm not worried about that because I have you.
Brittany: Sam, when you first joined the glee club, I didn't notice for a while. It wasn't until you did a Rich Little impression and then told me it was a Rich Little impression and then explained who Rich Little was that I knew you were special. And I can't tell you how excited I am to become your Mayan star-wife.

Brittany: You guys, welcome to the first meeting of the 2012 Mayan Apocalypse club.
Tina: Wait, that's what this is?
Sam: Don't worry, it's also the last meeting.

[to Rachel] Remember what I said when we first met. You're here because you're the best of the best.

Brody

Brittany: The truth is, is that, ever since Santana left, you're the only person who makes me smile.
Sam: I am pretty non-stop hilarious.
Brittany: You make me happy, Sam. And I don't want to waste any more time not smiling at your hilariousness.
Sam: What about the lesbian blogger community?
Brittany: They're not gonna like it, but the way I figure is that, they know they're my sisters, and love is love.

Glee Quotes

[to Kurt] You know, these Mounds bars are delicious, but you have to eat them. If you just hold them in your hand hoping that you might get to eat them one day, they're going to melt and you'll look like somebody just pooped in your hand. Don't let waiting for things to maybe work out with Blaine turn you into the guy who looks like somebody just pooped in their hand.

Brittany

I just want somebody to love me.

Quinn