Peter: Is that the one where they make his dress in little shorts and hats like the guy from AC/DC?
Brian: Yeah. Why does he wear that outfit?
Peter: 'Cuz he rocks!

We can make this work, like couples who meet on Craig's List.

I'm a bigger scumbag than Spock.

Glenn Close: Fart.
Brian: Uh..did you say, "fart?"
Glenn Close: Yes. That's me being rather silly.

Stewie: I want you to come inside me while I'm asleep.
Brian: No, don't say it like that.

Not everyone can be as fascinating as you, Brian.

Stewie

The good news is that now he can go back to being a regular kid.

You're giving your baby drugs to improve his acting career?

I'm just saying. It's no surprise that justice isn't colorblind.

I don't think it's lost on any of us that the laws are writte on white paper.

You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend.

Brian: OMG, Stewie. What are you doing in the toilet with the lid closed?
Stewie: Ted R. says this is where a piece of crap has to live.

Family Guy Quotes

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley

[disappointedly] You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes ya feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah. You're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me. I'm not changin'. I like me. My kids like me. My friends like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.

Peter