Penny: I don't like to drink when I fly.
Bernadette: Please, I've seen you drink in the shower.
Howard: You guys have showered together?

Bernadette: You realize it's been years since we've gone away, just the two of us?
Howard: I know. I can't wait. Fancy hotel room. The big bed.
Bernadette: Yeah, we're going to sleep our asses off.

Howard: Dinner ready?
Bernadette: Not unless you cooked.

Raj: You two are as afraid of hurting someone's feelings as I am.
Bernadette: That's not true. We were just laughing right in your face.

Bernadette: I don't when I became the mother to three lazy teenagers, but it stops today. You guys are cleaning the kitchen top to bottom.
Raj: Hey, I don't even live here!
Bernadette: Yes or no, do you have clothes in my laundry right now?

Bernadette: Howard, you're grown men. You guys don't have to do everything together.
Howard: I know, that's why I'm spending tonight with you.

Bernadette: Leonard makes you watch that [Game of Thrones] too?
Penny: No, no. I like that show. It's got dragons and people doing it.

Bernadette: Did she throw anything away?
Howard: Nope. If I find my foreskin, I'm gonna kill myself.

Bernadette: A two-hundred dollar R2D2 is a business expense?
Howard: Oh, Bernie. You're gonna have to sound a lot more confident when we get audited.

Excuse me. You better find my husband's mother, because one way or another, we're walking out of here with a dead woman!

Penny reading Amy's book: "Amelia stood before the newly repaired time machine.She regretted giving Cooper the part he needed."
Bernadette: Because she wanted him to give her the part she needed.

Penny: You look like a talking cupcake!
Pageant Bernadette: And you should pick me for Miss California Quiznos 1999, because I want to...Tell you what I want, what I really really want I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna Really, really, really be Miss California Quiznos 1999!

TBBT Quotes

It's very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and, as it always has, rock crushes scissors

Sheldon

Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz electric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will never forget.
Raj: Where are we going?