Ben: I have so many presents, it's weird!
Andy: Yes!! Oh, for the baby? Put 'em over there.

April: But in the end? Bringing a child into this world? That's disgusting!
Andy: Nooo, we'd wipe all the disgusting stuff right off it!

Andy: I get to push the buttons! I call it!
April: He called it.
Leslie: Yeah I know.

Was he killed by a younger, stronger, barber!?

You're what keeps me going. You're my "VerizonChipotleExon."

I once found a rock that look like Santa Claus -- hat and everything.

I don't understand what's the problem Officer, just train the ocean!

My wife, "April Ludgate-Karate-Dwyer!"

"Phenomenon" means to "search a cave."

Andy: Hey, kids! This seems like a "hug moment!"
Ron: You are mistaken! Remove the graphic!

I don't know what happened! I took it out to play hide and seek, I couldn't find it, and -- oh wait I know what happened.

In a couple weeks, I'll be moving to Washington, D.C. It's the capitol of the entire world.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Normally, if given the choice between doing something and doing nothing, I'll do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night if it meant that nothing got done.


Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!