Curtis: You can call me… anything you want!
Abby: How about “Totally Inappropriate”?

Gibbs: What’ve you got?
Abby: What we’ve got is prep for a fishing trip if you’re gonna go after Moby Dick, or else Dean and Hudson were preparing for war.

Abby: Is this an order?
Vance: Yes! Go be a bad guy!

Abby: This is my nightmare! The only thing missing is Vance riding in on demon wings to fire me!
Torres: Well, that makes sense.
Abby: I usually wake up when his mustache turns into a snake.

Quinn [about a formerly broken plate]: How’d you get rid of the crack?
Abby [innocently]: Crack? What crack?

Abby: They're Navy rats.
Reeves: Officers or enlisted?

I love animals, but I think I'd love my husband more.

Abby: Gibbs, I can't have a conversation by myself!
Gibbs: It's never stopped you before.

I don't kick down doors. Are you saying I'm not a crime fighter?

Abby: Hey Tony.
McGee: Vance got a call.
Tony: Ziva. Are we sure?
McGee: I'm so sorry, Tony.

Abby: I just have something I need to tell you before you go.
Tony: How do you know I'm going?
Abby: Because I'm Abby Sciuto and I know things.
Tony: Why did I ask?
Abby: I know how much Ziva really loved you. And I need to know that you know that too.
Tony: I do. I think.
Abby: Don't think. Know. I know. She told me. I'm really going to miss you, Anthony DiNozzo.
Tony: Not half as much as I'm going to miss you, Abby Sciuto.

Abby: McGee, I want to celebrate that you can light up a room as fast as you can ping a phone.
McGee: Well thanks!
Abby: Hashtag: living rocks.
Gibbs: Hashtag get to the point.
Abby: Oh my God, Gibbs. You just used the word hashtag in a sentence

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott