Abby [about McGee]: He’s not all that involved, so…
Delilah: Just right in the middle of it.
Abby: Like, directly in the middle of it, yes.

You’re speaking to someone who believes in God, who believes in the immortal soul, and whose third favorite movie is “Ghost.”

Abby: You… you don’t know what I think!
Sloane: You betcha, I don’t.

When it comes to stupidity, I would not underestimate this guy.

Curtis: You can call me… anything you want!
Abby: How about “Totally Inappropriate”?

Gibbs: What’ve you got?
Abby: What we’ve got is prep for a fishing trip if you’re gonna go after Moby Dick, or else Dean and Hudson were preparing for war.

Abby: Is this an order?
Vance: Yes! Go be a bad guy!

Abby: This is my nightmare! The only thing missing is Vance riding in on demon wings to fire me!
Torres: Well, that makes sense.
Abby: I usually wake up when his mustache turns into a snake.

Quinn [about a formerly broken plate]: How’d you get rid of the crack?
Abby [innocently]: Crack? What crack?

Abby: They're Navy rats.
Reeves: Officers or enlisted?

I love animals, but I think I'd love my husband more.

Abby: Gibbs, I can't have a conversation by myself!
Gibbs: It's never stopped you before.

NCIS Quotes

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.