Luke: Me? Raising a kid? I don't even like kids. They're always sticky like they've got jam on their hands. Even if there's no jam in the house, somehow, they've always got jam on their hands! I'm not the right guy to deal with that. I have no patience for jam hands! Lorelai: First of all, Jess is 17 so I think he's probably pass the jam hands stage by now. Second of all, you can do this. If you want to you are totally capable.
Emily: (about Lorelai's shade of lipstick) That's a pretty color. What's it called? Lorelai: "Vicious Trollop." Emily: Now why do you say things like that? (Lorelai shows her the lipstick tube). Now why would you name a lipstick that? Lorelai: Because "Dirty Whore" was taken.